Dan Bull - Not a Player lyrics

I'm not a player, I just suck a lot
I couldn't give a shucking fit whether
We win the cup or not
In real life I can't even kick it
I've never been to a match
Let alone bought a season ticket
There's no denying my skill though
I can dribble all over my pillow
I can't do a scissor kick
But I can kick scissors
And sue whoever manufactured them
For six figures
I'm a man on a mission with ambition
To be the sickest soccer
Kickist in my position
At school I liked playing defender a bit
'Cause, I could have a chit chat
Down the end of the pitch
With my friend who was shit
We used to collect stickers
But we'd get suspicious even at
The scent of a kit
But now I want to make it in the premiership
If you don't have faith I
Will, it'll offend me, you prick

I'm the son of a bitch
That'll run on the pitch
So awkward you'll think that were
Was some kind of glitch
And within a couple of
Minutes I'll have stitch
I don't want to put the effort in
I just want to be rich
I'm the son of a bitch
That'll run on the pitch
So awkward you'll think that were
Was some kind of glitch
And within a couple of
Minutes I'll have stitch
I don't want to put the effort in
I just want to be rich

I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot
(hah, huh)
I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot (ah, oi)
I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot (heyey)
I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot
(yeah, ey)

I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot
I tripped over my laces and
Nearly grazed my knuckle off
I can't even recall a time my side won
My keepy uppy record is like none
By gum, my chum, why try when I
Can just hide inside sat on my bum?
Twiddle my thumbs on the Joypad
I'd enjoy that
Taped over the final to annoy Dad
So call the boy bad, I call it fair play
I'm not a good sport or good at sport
I'm bare bait
Stuck kicking a snare across the airwaves
Better at rap than football, I dare say
Though get in the way of
My goal and get battered
Your reputation wrecked, tattered
Sepp Blatter
I'm a professional athlete, 'cept fatter
You'll never get me to a track meet
I'm already knackered

(yeah)

I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot
(hah, huh)
I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot (ah, oi)
I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot (heyey)
I'm not a player 'cause I suck a lot
(yeah, ey)