Paul Simon - A Simple Desultory Philippic lyrics

A Simple Desultory Philippic
Or How I Was Lyndon Johnson’d Into Submission

I was Union Jacked, Kerouac'd
John Birched, stopped and searched
Rolling Stoned and Beatled 'til I'm blind
I've been Ayn Randed, nearly branded
Communist 'cause I'm left handed
That's the hand I use, well, never mind!

I've been Walt Disneyed, Diz Disleyed
John Lennoned, Krishna Menoned
Walter Brennan'd, punched out Cassius Clay
I've heard the truth from Lenny Bruce
And all my wealth won't buy me health
So I smoke a pint of tea a day

I knew a man his brain so small
He couldn't think of nothin' at all
He's not the same as you and me
He doesn't dig poetry
He's so unhip that when you say Dylan
He thinks you're talkin' about Dylan Thomas
Whoever he is the man ain't got no culture
But it's alright, Ma
It's just somethin' I learned over in England

I've been James Joyced, Rolls Royced
Mick Jaggered, silver daggered
Andy Warhol, won't you please come home?
I've been mother, fathered, aunt and uncled
Tom Wilsoned, Art Garfunkeled
Barry Kornfeld's mother's on the phone

When in London, do as I do
Find yourself a friendly haiku
Go to sleep for ten or fifteen years