Canibus - 100 Bars lyrics

Yeah! That's the beat right there
I'm about to black out
With a hundred bars on some professional shit
So don't try this at home, yo yo! Yo! Yo!

My style of rhymin' is ancient
Like Aztecs and Mayans
Because I recognize it's all about timin'
Me and my freestyle alliance
Practicin' African voodoo science
In front of twenty-foot bonfires
Lookin' skyward calculatin' May 5, 2000
The nine planets'll be in alignment
The arrival of the prophet in the cockpit
Of a starship the size of the Hale-Bopp comet
With mercury ion rockets
And a big-ass "Canibus Comin' Soon" poster
On the side of it i'm known geographically
And intergalactically
That's why I got extraterrestrials
That wanna battle me
They even tried kidnappin' me
And they would've snatched me
If their craft didn't get trapped
In the Earth's gravity
Engines stalled and failed
Crashed into a farmer's field
And that's really what caused Roswell
Undercover operatives workin' for COM 12
Disguised as a nigga signed
With a record deal lyrically, I'm off-scale
So all hail, or get tossed towards Hell
Whatever y'all feel! Bruisin' niggas
Confusin' niggas like Chip Fu
From the Fu-Schnickens
Hit you with nuclear cruiser missiles
Hear the wild wolf growl!
Styles stockpiled for miles from the
Ground to the clouds
Wack niggas wanna be down
But it's not allowed
Interrupt the cipher unannounced
And you'll get punched in the mouth
With the southpaw southern fist
I'll bust your shit! Swell your
Lip bigger than Bubba Shrimp
For actin' tough and shit, what a wimp
You giant Goliath niggas get shot
With a rubber sling
I'm an experiment gone bad
My brainwaves on an encephalograph show
That I'm stark ravin' mad
Your whole scientific staff'll get killed
In a nuclear blast
When I throw the Florence flask in my hand
Flammable liquids in the lab explode
And you get stabbed with all the flyin' glass
Trained to blow up commercial aircraft
Trained in chemical weapons class
Just to see how long a nigga's breath'll last
I put him in a leather mask
Spray his ass with a can of pepper gas
Then watch him grab his neck and gag
Watch the nigga choke to death as I laugh
"You wanna battle?" is the type of
Question you should never ask
Nigga, pick a tougher task
See who the fuck'll last
Whoever lose'll get a solderin'
Iron up the ass
You need to recognize my hand
Is quicker than the eye
Quicker than the five-speed Jamiroquai drives
A lifespan longer than nine lives
Infinite rhymes that can't die
A nigga with a divine mind
I dedicate this to the wise
Dedicate it to dimes
Dividin' myself into a hundred ten times
You can't deny the offerings I offer
Flows that glow with auroras
That sparkle like water
Fly like a saucer with the
Torque of a Porsche murder a million MC's
Then autograph all of their coffins
Been gettin' it on since I been born
And I'mma live long
And I'mma be gettin' it on 'til I'm gone
Look at all the stages I been on
All the songs that I spit on
I took an oath to rip everythin' I get on
A nigga like me should
Have Carpal Tunnel syndrome
In the wrist bones from
Grippin' microphones this long
I'm just a small fish in a big pond
That gets pissed off whenever I get picked on
Nigga, try to flip and get flipped on!
My army march a million strong
Like the Nation of Islam with suede Timbs on
Extremely hostile
Fully armed troops dressed in frog
Suit's and night vision goggles
A lyrical lynch mob shittin' on niggas
Drawn to a hideous form with
Horns and a mink on
Duckin' down low like we in
'Nam fightin' the Viet Cong
Screamin' "Incoming!" when I see a bomb
Speak to your leader, surrender your arms
You need about a million more
Soldiers to even the odds
Plus 800, 000 to even consider a war
And 200, 000 more to even look hard
You better drop your flag and withdraw
My cavalry charge accompanied by a
Blizzard of wicked metaphors
That smash y'all
Attach y'all to the back of my horse
And drag y'all across
The motherfuckin' asphalt
Nine out of ten niggas is frauds
You know who you are
Always talkin' about your bitches
And your cars your jewelry and your girls
It's like we from two different worlds
You motherfuckers really get on my nerves
'Cause, I'm beyond 'em
On some futuristic cyborg shit
I close my eyes when I freestyle
So I could read what prints across them
Then raise my arms like a sorcerer and
Cast a fireball into the audience
To barbecue your brain organs
You feel like you've been thrown
In a microwave oven
I flame broil suckers, then hit
'em with some more shit, the raw shit
Call my reinforcements, the Four Horsemen
Take a big piece of chalk and draw
A line across the stage pulpit
I dare a motherfucker to cross it!
I'll even call my man Black Rob
At two in the morning
Tell him it's important
Tell him to call Sting three-way
And sing a chorus break your camcorders
So you motherfuckers can't record it
Call the news I'll kill your reporters!
Start a lawsuit I'll kill your lawyers!
Fuck the soft shit! And
Fuck what y'all think!
My album's gold 'cause my album
Was the bomb shit
Y'all niggas got your ass beat
'cause you asked for it
Got your picture taken and put in a tabloid
'Cause you a man
And you like to touch little boys
You fuck 'em in the ass
Then you give 'em cash for it
That's some sick shit, homeboy
A hundred years ago
They'd have took you to see Sigmund Freud
You fraudulent, feminine
Fragile as a feather is
With an effortless blow
I'll crack your whole skeleton
You think you better than
Canibus? Where's the evidence?
You got below average intelligence
And poor penmanship
You need to shut the fuck
Up 'cause your breath stink
Take fifty cents and purchase
A pack of peppermints
Battlin' me, you never win
You thought you was the only nigga
That could sneak a weapon in?
Nigga, guess again
'Cause after I'm finished wreckin' this shit
I'mma drink a whole bottle of Henny
And go fuck a lesbian