156/Silence - A Past Embrace lyrics

This isn't grace
This isn't a place to feel
Safe or give praise this is a past embrace

I attempt to be cordial in a sense
I wish I could just fucking exit this
Existential dread I've been given
It's all that I have within, all I am
Sometimes I'm feeling violently sick
It's just the taste of blood
The shade it stains the fix I seem to crave
The views that fade
I thought that things could change
I thought we paid
I guess I still have time to bleed
Drown the fleet
I detach myself from everyone that still
Has hope left in me my dreams are plundering
Wondering how to cross this off if
I can't even keep my focus
I'm choking on this and probably bothering
All that have to watch
This is exactly how I pictured the scene
My roads are crumbling
How could we come this far to fall
Back into what's been
Only beating, mistreating
And feeding on the flesh and bone?

I'll wash my hands of all
These indecent wrongs to
Pretend I'm not just awfully made of flaws
This detesting is all I have
Ever deserved and I
Won't ascend to God or his fucking doves
I won't look to the above, just into the sun
Is this all just what I
Want or what I've become?
Am I even capable of receiving love?
It seems that only time will
Tell here in hell

Problems I have come to find
Aren't always as they seem
I could lie right through your eyes
And still not feel a thing
I remember better endings with
You in the rain
That was then but this now and
I just don't feel the same
I could fuck this up enough for
No one to debate that
I'd be filled with twisted thrills
For all the coming days
Will you still insist to kill
Me with your loving gaze
Or will I just sit inside
Until my life's erased?

My intentions stay relentless
Hungry for the pain
Your affection seems to lessen
As you stray away
I contend until the end just
Like a fading flame
Pretty pictures always wither to
The point of frayed i consider this a win
Amongst destructive days
Compromised by all the signs
Of having to escape
Will I time this as precisely
As it needs to be or will I decide to die
In less than lovely ways? The Rodents Race
156 silence
Irrational Pull 156
Silence
Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God)
Kate Bush
Embalmed by everything far from calm
I'll just disown the eager
Persistence of my thoughts
Whether or not I'm a cancer to
All or just a simple cunt a dripping cut
This isn't what I always loved
This isn't fun this is a past embrace

Now it's too late to think
Of changing my fucking ways
I'll go back to where I should be