Baba Brinkman - Creationist Cousins 2.0 lyrics

Humans are descended from ape-like ancestors
That’s a scientific fact
But some people still question it
Darwin does have detractors
Religious detractors
Not scientific detractors
Don’t get the shit backwards
And when they question I listen
They say: "If we came from
Monkeys, then how come there’s
Monkeys still in existence?"
Well how about this: I’m
Descended from Dutch immigrants
But, I still have second cousins
Who live in the Netherlands
They’re not my ancestors naw
They’re my relatives
Since we have common genetic elements
Inherited from our great grandparents
Things like freckles
And fair complexions and
Linguistic dexterousness
But, if you got back far enough
Humans are all relatives
And some of my relatives
Are religious fundamentalists
Approximately twenty percent of them
And at the dinner table
We debate statistics
Creationist cousins, they’re my relations
I love ‘em but when they talk about Jesus
And Revelations and Judges
I’ve gotta take it up with them
‘Cause there’s a better explanation for the
Place that we come from, okay?
Creationist cousins, they’re my relations
I love ‘em but at the dinner table we
Get on some crazy discussions
I’m always questioning their
Basic assumptions and saying, "yes I believe
We came from monkeys, okay?"

So I say "Creationism is unscientific
Ninety nine percent of practicing
Scientists think evolution
Is the best explanation for living systems
There’s overwhelming empirical evidence!"
And they say "Baba
It’s not a scientific consensus
If a significant one percent
Is still dissenting
And risking black-listing in bold resistance
To this fascist conspiracy
To promote secularism and I say "Great
They can challenge the system
If they can show us they
Have the evidence with them"
And they "Evidence can be twisted
And your presuppositions are materialistic
Maybe the evidence scientists
Say they’ve collected
Just proves that God wants our
Faith to be tested!"
So I say "But that means your benevolent God
Is the architect of a
Massive intellectual fraud!
So either evolution is the victim
Of a frame job which explains all of
It's predictive successes
Or we have to take God
Out of the scientific method
Otherwise he looks a bit deceptive… snap
Creationist cousins they’re my relations
I love ‘em
But when they talk about how fossils
All came from the flood
I gotta take it up with them
‘cause there’s a better explanation
For the place that they come from, okay?
Creationist cousins they’re my relations
I love ‘em ‘Cause they gave me the patience
To engage in discussions
With people who believe in
Stuff that’s made up
Without calling them crazy or dunces, okay?

And that’s when my sister steps in and says
"Baba, the Western scientific method
Is just as subjective as
Every other cultural tradition
Except it’s just better at
Pretending to be objective
All behaviour is socially-constructed
Gender roles have nothing to do with genitals
They’re just a way for men
To control women’s goals and try to turn us
All into Playboy centerfolds
Haven’t you heard about that
Tribe in the Amazon
Where the woman does the man’s
Jobs and plants the crops
And brings home the food for the man to wash?
Um, I can’t remember exactly what
That clan is called
But, I know it’s a published fact
Because I read about it in
My Women’s Studies class
And it proves that gender is
A socially constructed act
So how does your theory explain that?"
And all I can do is
Come back with more statistics
About human sexual dimorphism
And male versus female
Reproductive investments
And, let’s just say
The discussions are endless
Creationist cousins they’re my relations
I love ‘em my gender feminist sister and
My shamanist brother
And my dad with his reiki
Practice and my naturopathic mother
But, I’m a rational fucker, okay?
Creationist cousins they’re my relations
I love ‘em ‘Cause they gave me the patience
To engage in discussions
With people who believe in stuff
That’s blatantly made up
Without calling them crazy or dunces, okay?

So sometime I come across as
A bit of an arsehole
But, I’m not impartial – it’s
Not about who’s is impartial
It’s about how much evidence you can marshal
And how you deliver the parcel
And when my relatives argue
I have to have faith
That we can reach the genuine
Article in a rational way
That’s a different kind of faith
Than my cousins have in divine creation
But hey to all of my relatives
And fellow primates, I say
If it makes you feel better, go head and pray
In fact, here’s how I pray in a secular way
I say, "I have creationist relatives
And relative apes
And I wish them all happiness
Whatever their faith
And I wish myself patience
Since I relish debates
Let us all be respectful and
Still tell it straight" okay? Okay?