Baba Brinkman - No Bugs On Me lyrics

Now the monkey swings by the end of his tail
As he flies from tree to tree
Well there may be monkey in some of you guys
But there ain’t no monkey in me

And there ain’t no bugs on me
There ain’t no bugs on me
There may be bugs on some of you mugs
But there ain’t no bugs on me

Yeah, there ain’t no bugs on me
Just on you liberal freaks
Who says science and religion
Will never harmonize?
When science explains religion then
We’ll have a compromise
But not the specific magical claims
I’m talkin’ about the
Relevant psychological states
Like, for instance
Why is Darwinism such a toxic
Proposition for conservative religions
But not for liberal
Religions like Episcopalianism
See, it’s not the religion
It’s the conservatism
So what’s the difference between
Conservatives and liberals?
Moral psychologists have a
Definition that’s simple
Liberals like myself are just
Higher in a stable
Personality trait known as
‘openness to experience’
We think novelty’s great – new people
New places new types of food
New lovers whenever someone
Inspires the mood
And it might seem like this life is a dream
But novelty is the place
Where parasites breed
Which gives us a delicious
Little testable prediction
For the scientific method to consider
Namely that openness to
Experience and liberalism
Should be influenced by micro-organisms
In your environment
And does the evidence agree?
Man, you wouldn’t believe how
Much your political leanings
Can be predicted by the local
Threat of infectious disease
So all my social conservatives sing!

There ain’t no bugs on me
There ain’t no bugs on me
There may be bugs on some of you mugs
But there ain’t no bugs on me
So let’s celebrate every
Universal of humanness
Like the fact that xenophobia
Is an immune defense
Where the brain gets a signal
From the lymphatic system
That says: "Be afraid of
Anything that’s dramatically different"
And fundamentalism is the same kinda fear
Dangerous bugs, dangerous people
And Darwin’s dangerous idea
But it’s not about intellect – well
If you wanna get picky
Openness correlates with
Intelligence moderately
But, I have creationist cousins
And they’re as smart as whips
And they think I’m retarded
For being a Darwinist
And maybe I am retarded, maybe my liberalism
Is like a form of autism
Like my brain is disconnected
From traditional ethics
‘cause I’m always disrespecting
Apparently arbitrary religious messages
Like when a devout jew or muslim
Says the blood of a menstruating
Woman is unclean
What the hell does that mean?
Is it somehow different than if she
Cuts her finger when she’s cookin’
And bleeds? How is it immoral
If it doesn’t hurt someone?
I just don’t get it, to me blood is blood
And ladies, i’m down to prove it when it’s
Time to cut a rug
If you’re bleeding and horny
Just give me a warning and we’ll
Put a towel down to save the sheets
And go ‘til three in the morning
Ugh, no wonder conservatives
Hate godless liberals
So all my Tory brethren sing along
And it goes

There ain’t no bugs on me
There ain’t no bugs on me
There may be bugs on some of you mugs
But there ain’t no bugs on me
Yeah, the modern liberal is a recent mutant
A novelty-seeking novelty of evolution
But don’t you start feelin’ too
Much like the X-Men ‘Cause, I can test your
Openness with targeted questions
Like for instance – imagine
Your family dog dies
And you all decide to memorialize
The poor old guy by eating him stir-fried
Are you on the wrong side
Of the moral equation, and if
Not one is harmed, why?
As a committed liberal I can see both sides
But everyone has a bit of a conservative bias
‘Cause those who don’t
Get naturally deselected like for instance
Pregnant women are measurably
More xenophobic in their first trimester
‘Cause the fetus gives them
An immuno-compromised system
So next time you listen to
Nick Griffin or Glenn Beck
And you get vexed
Like "fuck this little hate-monger insect!"
Just think of it as
An immune system imbalance
Like a pregnant woman who pukes
Every time she eats salads
And if you wanna see the
End of oppression in Palestine
Or homophobia in Uganda
Or female genital mutilation
In the Sudan, well then maybe the answer
Is water sanitation and a vaccination agenda
So let’s all just sing along
To the words of wisdom
It’s the germ theory of conservatism

There ain’t no bugs on me
There ain’t no bugs on me
There may be bugs on some of you mugs
But there ain’t no bugs on me