Baba Brinkman - Nun's Priest lyrics

Once upon a time there was a farmer who died
And left a widow
With a farmyard filled with animals
And this is the story of their time

Okay, listen close
I’ll tell you how the story goes
This one starts on a farm, with a poor widow
Animal husbandry was how she won the meat
That she put on the table for
Her young ones to eat
With no man to bring home the bacon
Or take a load off
Her shoulder blades and carry weight
When her bones were achin’ she was alone
With her daughters and her dairy cows
Seven cluckin’ chickens and a rooster
Who was very proud
His name was Chauntecleer
But let’s call him Chauncy
He walked with a strut
And his style was kinda cocky
Like Snoop Doggy Dogg
Except he was a cock though
A literal cock, with a bright red cox-comb
A figurative cock too, he did what cocks do
And so would you
With seven chickens to give cock to
So don’t be player hatin’ on the
Roosters or the rap stars
All they do is crow and pimp
The chickens in the backyard
And chickens only come once
The method is perfected
‘Cause they want to hatch chicks
With skills and work ethic
So Chauncy was up to crow
At five every mornin’
Cock-a doodle doo! He had more
Wives than a Mormon
But one was his favorite
And she was his main chick
Pertelote, Purdy for short
The most curvaceous
Bootylicious chicken with the juiciest
Breasts and thighs
Whenever she swished her hips by
He was hypnotized
Yeah, the mischievous type
Plus kind and generous
Wicked sense of humor with
A rare high intelligence
And he was into it, plus his singin’ talents
Kinda ruffled up her feathers
Which kept things in balance
So he was all for her
And she was all for him
Though he still did his duty
With his other six hens
And that’s where the story begins
In the chicken coop
Every night after dark they would
All sit and roost and one night
With Purdy next to him on his perch
Chauncy started moanin’ and groanin’ and
Waking up his birds like "No no keep it away
I’m afraid i don’t wanna get eaten today!"
And Purdy shook him and he
Woke up fast and screamed
Like "Buck-uck!" And she said "Relax
It’s just a bad dream"
And Chauncy said "I love you, Purdy
You’re the perfect chick
But this was more than just a dream, please
Interpret it!
Okay, listen, I was walkin’ in the yard
And I saw this beast it was kinda like a dog
But smaller, reddish brown
With a pointy snout
And bushy tail that’s what
I was moaning about
It was staring right at me
And it's eyes were beady
And I just had this feeling like
It was trying to eat me!"
And Purdy said "yeah, um, that’s called a fox
And it’s kinda common knowledge
That foxes eat cocks
And you want me to interpret your
Dream? What does it mean?
It means you’re acting like a
Pussy if you ask me
C’mon, grow a pair, it’s just us
There’s no one here
And it’s tough to stay in love
With a wuss who’s always scared
Look, there’s nothing to
Fear from nightmares, the monsters
Are a manifestation of your
Subconscious it’s nonsense
Now stop this wait, maybe your vision is true
It reveals something deep: the
Inner bitch in you
It’s probably just some undigested
Snacks in your abdomen
So get off your ass and take a laxative"
Chauncy wasn’t mad at his chick
He just sighed and said: "Honey
Dreams are how we see with our third eye
Most religions and ancient traditions
Treat them as premonitions inner visions
We need to listen to our intuitions
I just wish you knew what it meant
‘cause I don’t
Dreams have meaning in Greek myths
And in the Bible
Joseph even dreamed the future
Of Pharoah’s people
Why do you think they call
It ‘The Technicolor Dreamcoat’?
And she looked kinda sly as
She rolled her eyes
And said "Too bad the gods
Always give such vague signs
Instead of specific information anyhoo
You’d better watch out for foxes, babe
Like chickens do"
And he cocked his head sideways
And that was that
Chauncy forgot about his dream and
Got his swagger back
And said "I’m just happy when I’m beside you
Except, this perch is too narrow
For me to ride you
So let’s take this outside
Boo cock-a doodle doo!
And his song kinda put her in the mood too
And they flew into the yard to
Warm in the morning sun
And he feathered her forty times
Before he was done
And a few months later, what do you know
Russel the fox crept into the yard slow
He’d been watching the chickens for weeks
Biding his time and now he hid in the weeds
Until they were right beside him
A grinning assassin in the grass
His teeth flashin’ with murder on his mind
Both a hunger and a passion
He could feel need to kill, some call it evil
But ask yourself, does a fox have free will?
Could he choose to just be gone, if he wanted
To prove the dream wrong
And find some greens to feed on?
Or was the fox compelled
By his physical make-up by his nature
To chase the chickens and try to taste one?
Who knows what goes on under a fox’s fur?
Epistemology is best left to philosophers
I’ll just tell you about this fox
Now he was a gentleman
Chauntecleer caught a glimpse of him
And felt adrenaline
Rushin’, but before he could
Run Russel hushed him and said "Hey, relax
I’m your friend i can be trusted
I only came here for one thing
And it’s not chicken dumplings
I want to hear a performance from
Someone who loves to sing
I heard your father sing once, mmh
What a voice!
You could almost smell the scent
Of the hens becoming moist
He sang on tip-toes, with his eyes closed
And his neck stretched out
Like Battery Farm Idol
And he always left the audience in
Awe when he was done
So I gotta know, are you your father’s son?"
Chauntecleer was all ears, all his fears
Were gone
This was all he ever wanted to hear
He felt like his father was near
And he would do him proud
He closed his eyes and he
Stretched his neck out
And sang: "Cock-a doodle-ackkk! Aa-a-aaack!"
The fox had grabbed him by the
Neck and started runnin’ fast
He twisted his head and threw the
Rooster’s body on his back
The chickens stared cluckin’
And Purdy was the loudest of ‘em
Screaming "Fox! Fox! Someone come
And help my husband!
Buck-buck-buck-buckuck!" The sound of a
Bunch of hens
Brought the widow runnin’ so fast
That she jumped the fence
Her daughters came after
And the neighbors with their dogs too
Barkin’ and yappin’ – half the
Village was in hot pursuit
But the fox was faster
And he had a massive head start
Chauntecleer was terrified
But he tried to think smart
He said, "Aack, you’ve done it
We’re almost at the woods now
They’ll never catch us
And you still have time for put downs
You can turn around and stick your
Tongue out and mock them and say ‘Ha ha
I’ve got your cock’ and trash talk them!"
And the fox smiled and curled
His black lips back
And turned around and opened his
Mouth to do just that
And when as his jaws unlocked
Chauncy took his only chance
And flew into a tree
And perched on the lowest branch
And Russel the fox looked up
With his mouth open
And his voice was soft-spoken
When he said "I was jokin’
When I took you by the throat
And brought you into the woods
I wasn’t tryin’ to hurt you
My intentions were good!
Come down and I can explain everything!"
And Chauntecleer laughed, like, "Why
You wanna get me to sing?
Here: Cock-a doodle do! Here
Come the villagers!"
And the fox ran off with a bitter curse

And they brought the cock back to the farm
Back to his duties
Crowin’ at the break of dawn
And gettin’ up in chickens booties
And debating metaphysics with his lady
When they wake up
And that’s how the story ends
– peace to Aesop
Now let this be a lesson you can have to keep
Don’t let them gas you
And never listen to flattery
Yeah let this be a lesson
You can have to keep
Get your pride in check
And never listen to flattery

Never listen to flattery
Whatever kind of person you are
Whether you’re fox-like
Like a record label A & R
Or whether you’re chicken-like
You know, struttin’ around
Peckin’ the ground
Or whether you’re rooster-like
With your chest out proud
It’s all the same to me
Just keep your wit's about you
And never listen to flattery