HKFiftyOne - Sparkup lyrics

Sparking up a joint
But I keep running out of papers
I could never smoke enough to keep
My problems on a waiver
Every day I just pretend the world
Could really not be greater
Just to justify that I'm
Okay with everyone's behavior, like
Damn it baby
Know it hurts me when you do that
I'm just crazy
I'm just too far gone to move back
Know I'm lazy
And my mind is getting too lack
Know I love you
So I don't know why I do that

Made a job of pushing everyone away
Make sure you stay real far away so
You don't have to see my brain
I'm sorry that I put you through
This shit like every single day
I know you understand it, too
So I don't even want to say


'Cause I'm a monster when
I'm hurting deep inside
I never mean the things I say
But I won't swallow all my pride
Instead, I anchor down and fight it
Just to prove I'm always right
And then I run away
Break down alone in darkness where I hide

Everyone's better without me, I know
Call me a demon, must not have a soul
Say I've no heart but feel
More than you know gut-wrenching inside
But I won't let it show

So all that you see is a colorless shell
The ghost of a boy that I used to know well
But now I'm a man, so I gotta face hell
My inside don't match, but outside I am well

If I could spark up just enough to kill
These thoughts then I would do it
But it only makes me crazy
Takes me back to living through it
So I keep on pushing through the limit
Know that I can do it
Now I'm numb enough to feel okay
But now I think I blew it

Every time I'm mean I know
It's a reflection of myself
And I'm so sorry that I ruined
Everything and how you felt
But the truth is when you say
You love me I completely melt
I'm so scared for all the reasons
They're the same that we've been dealt

Sparking up a joint
But I keep running out of papers
I could never smoke enough to keep
My problems on a waiver
Every day I just pretend the world
Could really not be greater
Just to justify that I'm
Okay with everyone's behavior, like
Damn it baby
Know it hurts me when you do that
I'm just crazy
I'm just too far gone to move back
Know I'm lazy
And my mind is getting too lack
Know I love you
So I don't know why I do that

Sparking up a joint
But I keep running out of papers
I could never smoke enough to keep
My problems on a waiver
Every day I just pretend the world
Could really not be greater
Just to justify that I'm
Okay with everyone's behavior, like
Damn it baby
Know it hurts me when you do that
I'm just crazy
I'm just too far gone to move back
Know I'm lazy
And my mind is getting too lack
Know I love you
So I don't know why I do that