I Remember 2006 - Dissociative Amnesia lyrics
[I Remember 2006 - Dissociative Amnesia lyrics]
Well, now, it's coming back to haunt me
The imagery is surfacing
Of what you did to me
To my friends and family
Stacking everything up on each other
I'm fearing I'm breaking
Can't escape this time
No matter how much I beg
The inner workings made me forget
Of what you did when I was young
You can call it being young
But nothing changes the trauma
That you gave to me
Of every time you pushed the limit's
Of every time I tried to back away
What did you want from me?
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
We can play our games
And you try to inch closer
And all the signs I gave
For you to back away
You only tried harder
Is there a way to escape this?
Someone guide me to the exit
Lead me to the concluding closure
I don't want this to affect me anymore
But everything I've said about you
Has found a way to burrow into
My endless subconscious thoughts
And I can't forget
I'm only going to remember more
I'm pleading to move on
I just want to move on
The visions of all that you did
To my family, to my friends
All you did to me
They're engraved in here
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
The steps you had taken
I should have seen them
But I was too young to comprehend
How could I understand?
Look, I don't know where to go from here
I'm trying to figure it out
But I don't know where to start
And it's all coming back
And I don't know what to think
A breakdown in my father's car
Driving back to Ludington
The topics arose
And the pieces fell into place
My father saw them connect
The stare I gave
Off in the distance
The highway flying back
It sucks crying in front of a parent
Especially when they went through
A similar experience
It all sparks the memories in my mind
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
Cowardice actions
Advancing on someone
For how much I tried to push back
You kept on going
What did you do when I was asleep?
Do I want to know what happened to me?
I hate the times I speculate
Because I see the connections to everything
I just want to escape
Leave the past behind
But I judge everyone I meet
To what you did to me
No, I can't forgive
No, you can't amend
I just have to avoid you
As best I can
That Goodwill doesn't exist
Well, it does, but I won't go to it
I'm a pacifist, I'm a pacifist
But if I see you again
I don't know what will happen
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
I won't let you destroy me
I'll move on from this chapter one day
At least I hope
No, you won't turn my friends on me
We all know you by name
I should have listened to my sister
She knew you were bad news
My mother saw the signs
Even I knew I couldn't trust you
But you made me afraid of the consequences
If I tried to bring up your fallacies
I had to wait it out
Why did I have to wait so long?
If your own brother is scared of you
I can only imagine what you've done
No, I never want to talk to again
I don't want to witness you again
I'll hug my brother and sister
They now know what you've done
They're with me on this
Hopefully, I can get away from this
Let me move on from this
Let me feel the sunshine again
I've been waiting for it for a while now
Why can't it shine now?
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
I won't let you destroy me
I'll move on from this chapter one day
At least I hope
No, you won't turn my friends on me
We all know you by name
Rafe: Is this clock off?
Wilbur: No
Rafe: What time is it?
Wilbur: It's, uh, 7: 09
Rafe: Oh
Wilbur: We have time So
Probably half an hour
We'll still be out here
Wilbur: I panic over the slightest things
Rafe: Same
Man. I have bad anxiety. I have bad paranoia
Wilbur: You have ADHD too, right?
Rafe: Heheh, yeah. And like
Which doesn't help it
And Autism doesn't help it
Wilbur: I I know that the symptoms to
Anxiety and ADHD are quite similar sometimes
Rafe: Yeah
Wilbur: But I'm almost convinced
At this point that
I have ADHD, because I have a really
Really rough time focusing in class
Rafe: Same. That's That's a
Big thing is focus
Wilbur: And my I've noticed an increase of
My grades plummeting since the seventh grade
Rafe: Y'know Hmmmm Well not
Not at seventh grade
But
Like at maybe ninth. It's just A lot Eh
When they start throwing When they start
Throwing multiple classes at you
Wilbur: Yeah
Rafe: Like
Where you have to move around and stuff
It gets hard to keep track
Wilbur: And My mom just She thinks that I
Like, have to be academically
Perfect. Like I
She
Doesn't like when I'm behind
And so she texts
Me whenever I'm behind in summer school
Which I am right now. Um
Rafe: That type of parenting
Kind I say something
About that? I hope it doesn't offend you
Wilbur: No. I won't It won't offend me
I really fucking hate my mom
So
Rafe: People who try- Parents who
Try to force perfection out
Of their kids are abusers, and
I'll explain why. Because
It basically makes failure not
An option, and
Here's the
Thing, nobody's perfect. You'll never
Be perfect. And, e-
And if
People strive to always be perfect
People will expect
That out of others, expect that of you
And if you end
Up in a field where It's really hard for you
To focus, really hard for you to be great
People will notice and it will stress you
Out more and more until you break
Wilbur: It's funny because that's exactly
What's happening. And um
Here's my gripe towards my mom. She doesn't
Want me to 'be like her.' So she Whenever
She yells at me about school or something
She'll
Bring her own life and her
Own choices into it
What she doesn't understand is that I'm not
Her. And Same I don't
Know if I've mentioned
This to you before or not but
Um Have I told you that in the past
I've requested to be put on ADHD medication
Rafe: Yes, you have
Wilbur: And that my mother
Refused because she
Thought I was going to abuse it?
Rafe: Yes, I remember that conversation
Wilbur: Why would she think
Something like that? And
The fact that it
Could've helped me is even funnier
And I Here's the thing
I have. Do you also have terrible motivation?
Rafe: I I have suffered
From it before. When, uh
When the pandemic hit and
I became a shut-in, it was really hard
For me to even make music
Which was my main passion
Wilbur: Is that the reason why you
Hardly released anything in 2021?
Rafe: Yes. Because I was I got I hit
An episode of depression. A
Month long episode
Of depression. I just had
A breakdown in November
Two, at that point of time. So
That was like in 19. 2019. And
Wilbur: Is that why you made November or no?
Rafe: Was it the same year?
Wilbur: Yes
Rafe: I think that was. Maybe. No, I
I like made November because
I thought I was inspired by
Japanese Breakfast and her project
June
Wilbur: Oh, yeah. I've heard of that
Rafe: But, I did have
Two breakdowns that month
Because everything
Was piling up, from school, from
Courtney, Trevor and Travis
From
My from the expectations that my
Father has on me
From
All the expectations people have
On me in general
And I snapped twice that month
Wilbur: The snapping point came out in 2017
Right?
Rafe: Yeah
Wilbur: Okay
Rafe: Either that or '16. I
Think '17 is right
Wilbur: Uh
I think I'm going through my breakdown
Rafe: Your breakdown phase?
Wilbur: Or my breaki breaking point, rather
The imagery is surfacing
Of what you did to me
To my friends and family
Stacking everything up on each other
I'm fearing I'm breaking
Can't escape this time
No matter how much I beg
The inner workings made me forget
Of what you did when I was young
You can call it being young
But nothing changes the trauma
That you gave to me
Of every time you pushed the limit's
Of every time I tried to back away
What did you want from me?
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
We can play our games
And you try to inch closer
And all the signs I gave
For you to back away
You only tried harder
Is there a way to escape this?
Someone guide me to the exit
Lead me to the concluding closure
I don't want this to affect me anymore
But everything I've said about you
Has found a way to burrow into
My endless subconscious thoughts
And I can't forget
I'm only going to remember more
I'm pleading to move on
I just want to move on
The visions of all that you did
To my family, to my friends
All you did to me
They're engraved in here
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
The steps you had taken
I should have seen them
But I was too young to comprehend
How could I understand?
Look, I don't know where to go from here
I'm trying to figure it out
But I don't know where to start
And it's all coming back
And I don't know what to think
A breakdown in my father's car
Driving back to Ludington
The topics arose
And the pieces fell into place
My father saw them connect
The stare I gave
Off in the distance
The highway flying back
It sucks crying in front of a parent
Especially when they went through
A similar experience
It all sparks the memories in my mind
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
Cowardice actions
Advancing on someone
For how much I tried to push back
You kept on going
What did you do when I was asleep?
Do I want to know what happened to me?
I hate the times I speculate
Because I see the connections to everything
I just want to escape
Leave the past behind
But I judge everyone I meet
To what you did to me
No, I can't forgive
No, you can't amend
I just have to avoid you
As best I can
That Goodwill doesn't exist
Well, it does, but I won't go to it
I'm a pacifist, I'm a pacifist
But if I see you again
I don't know what will happen
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
I won't let you destroy me
I'll move on from this chapter one day
At least I hope
No, you won't turn my friends on me
We all know you by name
I should have listened to my sister
She knew you were bad news
My mother saw the signs
Even I knew I couldn't trust you
But you made me afraid of the consequences
If I tried to bring up your fallacies
I had to wait it out
Why did I have to wait so long?
If your own brother is scared of you
I can only imagine what you've done
No, I never want to talk to again
I don't want to witness you again
I'll hug my brother and sister
They now know what you've done
They're with me on this
Hopefully, I can get away from this
Let me move on from this
Let me feel the sunshine again
I've been waiting for it for a while now
Why can't it shine now?
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
What did you want from me?!
I won't let you destroy me
I'll move on from this chapter one day
At least I hope
No, you won't turn my friends on me
We all know you by name
Rafe: Is this clock off?
Wilbur: No
Rafe: What time is it?
Wilbur: It's, uh, 7: 09
Rafe: Oh
Wilbur: We have time So
Probably half an hour
We'll still be out here
Wilbur: I panic over the slightest things
Rafe: Same
Man. I have bad anxiety. I have bad paranoia
Wilbur: You have ADHD too, right?
Rafe: Heheh, yeah. And like
Which doesn't help it
And Autism doesn't help it
Wilbur: I I know that the symptoms to
Anxiety and ADHD are quite similar sometimes
Rafe: Yeah
Wilbur: But I'm almost convinced
At this point that
I have ADHD, because I have a really
Really rough time focusing in class
Rafe: Same. That's That's a
Big thing is focus
Wilbur: And my I've noticed an increase of
My grades plummeting since the seventh grade
Rafe: Y'know Hmmmm Well not
Not at seventh grade
But
Like at maybe ninth. It's just A lot Eh
When they start throwing When they start
Throwing multiple classes at you
Wilbur: Yeah
Rafe: Like
Where you have to move around and stuff
It gets hard to keep track
Wilbur: And My mom just She thinks that I
Like, have to be academically
Perfect. Like I
She
Doesn't like when I'm behind
And so she texts
Me whenever I'm behind in summer school
Which I am right now. Um
Rafe: That type of parenting
Kind I say something
About that? I hope it doesn't offend you
Wilbur: No. I won't It won't offend me
I really fucking hate my mom
So
Rafe: People who try- Parents who
Try to force perfection out
Of their kids are abusers, and
I'll explain why. Because
It basically makes failure not
An option, and
Here's the
Thing, nobody's perfect. You'll never
Be perfect. And, e-
And if
People strive to always be perfect
People will expect
That out of others, expect that of you
And if you end
Up in a field where It's really hard for you
To focus, really hard for you to be great
People will notice and it will stress you
Out more and more until you break
Wilbur: It's funny because that's exactly
What's happening. And um
Here's my gripe towards my mom. She doesn't
Want me to 'be like her.' So she Whenever
She yells at me about school or something
She'll
Bring her own life and her
Own choices into it
What she doesn't understand is that I'm not
Her. And Same I don't
Know if I've mentioned
This to you before or not but
Um Have I told you that in the past
I've requested to be put on ADHD medication
Rafe: Yes, you have
Wilbur: And that my mother
Refused because she
Thought I was going to abuse it?
Rafe: Yes, I remember that conversation
Wilbur: Why would she think
Something like that? And
The fact that it
Could've helped me is even funnier
And I Here's the thing
I have. Do you also have terrible motivation?
Rafe: I I have suffered
From it before. When, uh
When the pandemic hit and
I became a shut-in, it was really hard
For me to even make music
Which was my main passion
Wilbur: Is that the reason why you
Hardly released anything in 2021?
Rafe: Yes. Because I was I got I hit
An episode of depression. A
Month long episode
Of depression. I just had
A breakdown in November
Two, at that point of time. So
That was like in 19. 2019. And
Wilbur: Is that why you made November or no?
Rafe: Was it the same year?
Wilbur: Yes
Rafe: I think that was. Maybe. No, I
I like made November because
I thought I was inspired by
Japanese Breakfast and her project
June
Wilbur: Oh, yeah. I've heard of that
Rafe: But, I did have
Two breakdowns that month
Because everything
Was piling up, from school, from
Courtney, Trevor and Travis
From
My from the expectations that my
Father has on me
From
All the expectations people have
On me in general
And I snapped twice that month
Wilbur: The snapping point came out in 2017
Right?
Rafe: Yeah
Wilbur: Okay
Rafe: Either that or '16. I
Think '17 is right
Wilbur: Uh
I think I'm going through my breakdown
Rafe: Your breakdown phase?
Wilbur: Or my breaki breaking point, rather
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