Kunt And The Gang - For a Million Pounds lyrics

K: Would you buy shares in Northern Rock?
LK: No I wouldn’t, definitely not
Would you kiss Verne Troyer
On his midget’s cock?
K: No I wouldn’t, definitely not
Would you call the Krays a pair of cunts?
LK: No I wouldn’t, definitely not
Would you suck the goodness
Out a tramp’s y-fronts?
K: No I wouldn’t, definitely not

LK: But what if I came up to you
And offered you a millions pounds to do
Something you wouldn’t usually do?
K: What, like tread barefoot in dog’s poo?
LK: yeah, I suppose

K: Alright I would i fucking would
If you gave me a million pounds
I’d go on my knees and eat cock cheese
If you gave me a million pounds
Because I’d have a million pounds

K: Could you listen to Westlife
For more than an hour?
LK: Just about, for a million pounds
Would you let Pat Wicks give
You a golden shower?
K: Yes I would, or a million pounds
Would you fill your pants
Up with broken glass?
LK: Yes I would, for a million pounds
Would you suck a fart out
Of John Prescott’s arse?
K: Yes I would, for a million pounds

K: I’d cut my cock off with a rusty saw
LK: Have a pool party with Barrymore
K: Eat raw offal from Beadle’s claw
LK: Do Anne Widdecombe bareback
And not withdraw

K: For a million smackers
I’d slice off my knackers
And sew em back on the other way round
LK: He wouldn’t care if he
Was spunking out backwards
'Cause he’d have a million pounds
K: Yes I’d have a million pounds

K: Would you drink a glass
Of Freddie Mercury’s jizz?
LK: Yes I would, for a million pounds
Would you show Ainsley with your
Finger where his walnut is?
K: Yes I would, for a million pounds
Would you eat a little pebble of human shit?
LK: Yes I would, for a million pounds
Would you kiss a bag lady on the clit?
K: Yes I would, for a million pounds

LK: I’d cover up for Gary Glitter
K: Eat a whole tray of cat litter
LK: Poke some barbed wire up my shitter
K: Trust Jimmy Savile as me babysitter

K: Ya know, I would i fucking would
If you gave me a million pounds
Harold Shipman could have my nan
If he gave me a million pounds
Because I'd have a million pounds

LK: I’d wed Vanessa Feltz and
Have her as my spouse
K: I’d let my kids sleepover
At Michael Jackson’s house
LK: I’d shit up in the
Air like a Japanese lady
K: I’d take an unprotected bumming
Off of Paul O’Grady

LK: I’d drink a glass of period
And smell Shane MacGowan’s breath
K: I’d leg it into an old
People’s home dressed up as death
LK: I’d spend a day picking bit's
Out of Jo Brand’s twat
K: I’d be a spunk bucket
Hostage round Boy George’s flat

LK: I’d shoot Barack Obama
Share a flat with Jeffrey Dahmer
K: I’d shag Shannon Matthew’s mum in
Her gob then up the bum
LK: I’d change my name to Fred West
And start a club up for incest
K: I’d lick around the
Holes of Camilla Parker-Bowles

K: And I would i fucking would
If you gave me a million pounds
'Cause I’d have a million pounds
Yes, I’d have a million pounds