Kunt And The Gang - Kunt and the Gang Megamix lyrics

'Yo, Kunt and the Gang, trip it up one time!'

I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
I I I I I I wanted a record deal
But I was too rude
I I I I I I wanted a record deal
But I was too rude
I I I I I I wanted a record deal
But I was too rude

I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
(I'm getting out my cock)
I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
(I pull my foreskin back)
I wanted a record deal but I was too rude
(I reveal my acorn) i wanted a record deal
Have a wank, have a wank
Have a motherfucking wank
What do you do in the middle of the night
When it's dead, dead quiet
And your mums asleep and your dad's asleep
And the door is shut and the light
Is out and the room is dark
The curtains drawn and you're on your own
The bed is warm in your dreamless room
And your hand's restless and
Your knob is hard have a wank, have a wank
Have a motherfucking wank come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(I'm thinking of ladies) come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(playing with their vulvas) come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(and inserting objects) come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
(into their women's areas)

Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Mother's cunt
Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Fucksticks now my grandad had a word he
Used when things went wrong
To introduce this word to you I
Put it in a song
Now every time this word gets
Used his memory lives on
I'm about to tell you what it
Is so you can sing along
(Fucksticks) When I miss an
Open goal in five-a-side
(Fucksticks) When I lost my hard
On's after nan had died
(Fucksticks) When the teacher's told me
That I was no good
(Fucksticks) When the 'old bill caught
Me wanking in the wood
(Fucksticks) When I came a'tumbling
Off my BMX (Fucksticks) When I split my
Frenulum whilst having sex
(Fucksticks) When some smart arsed bastard
Gives me my comeuppance
(Fucksticks) When it's been ages since
I've seen a ladies tuppence

Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Mother's cunt
Fucksticks, mother's cunt, mother's cunt
Fucksticks

You look really nice i've got some advice
Take your skirt off and pull your pants down
'Cause I'm gonna lick you out
I can see you think I'm fit
And I can sense you'd like a bit
Well take your skirt off and
Pull your pants down
'Cause I'm gonna lick you out
I'm gonna lick you out
I'm gonna lick you out
Take your skirt off and pull your pants down
'Cause I'm gonna lick you out
Yo I'm gonna lick you out
Little Kunt's gonna lick you out
Wank the Dog will even lick you out
If you smear some chum up your clout
(bring the horns back)
Last friday night I was due out on a date
But unfortunately I got home really late
I didn't have time for a bath or a shower
There's only one thing that can save us
It's just like a shower but
It's over the sink
The only thing that gets washed
Is shiny and pink
If there's a possibility of fellatio
You have to make sure
That your knob doesn't smell like Quavers
(Quavers) a gentlemen's wash
A gentlemen's wash
If you think there's a half a chance
Your cock might get a nosh
Pull your pants to one side
Wash the member they hide
And that's a little gentlemen's wash
Beards, beards beards beards, beards beards
Beards, beards beards beards, beards beards
Beards, beards beards

Men with beards what are they hiding?
Could I handle the truth if they
Chose me to confide in
Or would my dead body be
Found by a railway siding?
Where I've been murdered by a
Man with a beard
Murdered by a man with a beard
They put porno mags in the
Bushes in the woods
They interfere with kids and make
Them say thank you afterwards
They hang about in parks
Wait until after dark
Jump out of the bushes and then
Fuck you for a lark
Men with beards, beards, beards, beards
Shave my pussy sh-sh-shave my pussy
Sh-sh-shave my pussy shave it, shave it
I'm tired of when I'm licking
Out a ladies underneath
I'm always getting curly pubic hairs
Stuck between my teeth
I want a girls who bit
Doesn't look like Robert Smith
It's a shaven haven that I am craving
(It's a shaven haven that he is craving)
It's a shaven haven that I am craving
Over hairy beavers I'ma fed up slaving
For a baldy ding dong, myself I'm saving
It's a shaven haven that I am craving
(It's a shaven haven that he is craving)
When I was up the loft i came across a box
That when I opened up stirred
Mixed emotions in my cock
It felt a little hard but
It felt a little soft
Next thing that I know I was
Feeling sexy up the loft now I unzip my fly
And pull out my Jap's eye
I have a little wank and I have a little cry
I'm wanking over a pornographic polaroid
Of an ex-girlfriend who died
(grotesque crying sounds)

"Come on Kunt, you'll be alright"
"But I really miss her Little Kunt"
"If you tell me a bit more about that
Photo it might help you get over her"
"Alright then Little Kunt
I'll give it a go"
I met this girl on MySpace
She was sixteen and a half
She said that I was well buff
And that I made her laugh
So I sent her a picture of
Me wanking in the bath
I think I misjudged the situation
She didn't wanna see my soapy masturbation
Please don't grass me up to Tom
There's a lot of perverts on the internet
That try to chat up girls and
Get their ding dongs wet
I am one but don't tell my mum
'Cause if she finds out then
I'm gonna get done
There's a lot of perverts on the internet
That try to chat up girls and
Get their ding dongs wet
He is one but don't tell his mum
'Cause if she finds out then
He's gonna get done go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arse go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arse come on penetrate me
Make me feel like Stephen Gately
But don't push it in too deep
Or you'll end up with my
Shit around your brim go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arse go on then
Just this once use my arsehole as a cunt
Use my arse, use my arse, use my arse
Oh use my arsehole
As a Kunt and the Gang Megamix!