Kunt And The Gang - Meet The Matthews lyrics

DI rADGITT: Allo there
I’m Detective Inspector George Radgitt i’ve
Been in the Yorkshire
Police force for 40 years, man and
Boy now I’ve seen some unusual cases in
My time as a copper, like that bloke who
Killed his little brother’s kestrel

But out of all of the
Cases I’ve been involved with
None is more bizarre than
The disappearance of little
Shannon Matthews, aged nine
Who went missing after a
Swimming lesson in Dewsbury little lass
Swimming pool
Well I would normally make that
Pimms O’ Clock round
Old Len Fairclough’s house but
He’d kicked the bucket
About ten year previous so
Unless he’d been noncing
From beyond the grave it
Couldn’t have been him

Got us thinking though
Was there a paedo in speedos on
The loose? Or had she just
Run away after an argument with her family
Who frankly were so dysfunctional that
They made the Fritzls look
Like the Brady Bunch

KAREN: Thank fook for that
Craig that’s the last of the kids off to
School

KAREN: I said thank fook for that
Craig that’s the last of the kids
Off to school

KAREN: I said

CRAIG: Alright, i fookin heard you the first
Time! What do you want me to do, Karen
Pull me pants and trousers down
Stick a cigar in the end of me
Cock and do a little jig?

KAREN: Even some kind of grunt would
Fookin do i don’t know
What’s so interesting on that
Computer of yours but
Whenever you’re on it it’s like
I’m fookin invisible can you
See me? Hello? Can you see me?

CRAIG: Course I fookin can christ
Me eyesight’s bad but I’m
Hardly likely to miss a big
Ginger walrus dancing around
Right in front of me fookin nose

CRAIG: Fook off

KAREN: You fook off
You ain’t even meant to be here ain’t you
Got work today?

CRAIG: And you have go at me for
Not paying attention! I told you
Already, I’m on lates today the
New manager on the fish
Counter swapped all our shifts around

KAREN: Oh great so you’ll be rolling
In at 10 O’clock at night
Smelling like a bag lady’s snatch

CRAIG: Aye, i will and if you’d ever
Done a day’s fookin work
Instead of lazing about on the sofa
All day with 2 fingers
Up your fadge I might bother
Me arse listening to what
You’re going on about

KAREN: What do I need to go to
Work for? Work’s for fookin mugs
Mugs like you
Goin’ out at 8 in the morning in your twatty
Uniform with a fookin name badge
On "Craig: Happy to
Help" you? Fookin happy to help?
That’s a fookin joke for starters!

CRAIG: Up yours! Women like a man in uniform

KAREN: yeah, when it’s a fookin Chippendale
Dressed up as a
Fireman, not a fookin supermarket
Fishmonger that hat
Makes you look a right cunt!

CRAIG: Up your fookin arse

KAREN: Up your fookin arse
Spackerel! Be a cold day in hell
Before you ever saw me serving up
Haddock for 3 an’ half
Quid an hour, you see