Kunt And The Gang - Paul Stephenson's Party lyrics

The most raucous party ever
Wasn't after a premiere
It wasn't after the Oscars or BAFTA's and
There was no one famous there
It happened in 1994 in
A Stifford Clays cul-de-sac
I turned up there at half past eight
And the place was fucking packed

Now there was no Facebook in those days
No Beebo or MySpace
Fuck knows how 200 people ended
Up in the same place
Two blokes were fighting out front
It was actually quite frightening
So I just go in and make a
Start on three litres of White Lightning

Paul Stephenson's party
Paul Stephenson's bash
His house was fucking trashed by
200 people on the lash
Paul Stephenson's party paul Stephenson's do
It was the greatest party I ever went to

Someone's replacing the light bulb with
A pack of Jelly Cubes
This bloke's got his mum's Immac and
Is waxing off his pubes
The kitchen seems to have been
Retiled with buttered Jacob's crackers
One kid's using a slotted spoon to
Whack another kid in the knackers

Someone's tipped a box of Kellogg's
Corn Flakes on the floor
Someone else has got a screwdriver and
Is taking off a door
There's a bloke pirouetting round the kitchen
With a bottle of tomato sauce
This girls' just sucked six blokes off
And is crying in remorse

Paul Stephenson's party
Paul Stephenson's bash
His house was fucking trashed by
200 people who gatecrashed
Paul Stephenson's party paul Stephenson's do
It was the greatest party I ever went to

This bloke is making pizzas with
His mum and dad's CDs
So now The Damned and Squeeze are
Topped with ham and cheese
Three kids threw his mattress out
The window onto the lawn
Now there in his old man's bedroom
Going through his stash of porn

Some blokes' fingering a sleeping girl up
On the pile of coats
Someone's filled the fishtank up with
A box of Quaker's Oats
There's some kid smashing ornaments with
His dad's golf umbrella
Someone's written 'Rape' on the front room
Wall in what's hopefully Nutella

Paul Stephenson's party
Paul Stephenson's bash
Some bloke stood on his shed roof
Pull his pants down and had a slash
Paul Stephenson's party paul Stephenson's do
It was the greatest party I ever went to

Has anyone seen Paul?
Oh there he is on the sofa!
He's passed out and someone's shaved
One of his eyebrows off
Now they're writing 'Pedo' backwards on
His forehead in permanent marker

Now his parents will wish they hadn't
Stayed out for the night
When they find out the telephone handset
Has been glued on with Aralidite
There's blood where some girl got 'broke
In' up on his parents bed
This geezers strolling round with his
Sisters panties on his head

Two young kids jerried off the lock
Of his dad's drinks cabinet
I didn't see who did that in the
Sink but it looks like human shit
The toilet's overflowing where someone's
Laid a massive log
This girls pulled on a rubber glove
And is wanking off his dog

Paul Stephenson's party
Paul Stephenson's bash
His house was fucking trashed by
200 people on the lash
Paul Stephenson's party paul Stephenson's do
It was the greatest party I ever went to

Paul Stephenson's party
Paul Stephenson's bash
Someone's defaced a photo of his late nan
With a Hitler hair and 'tasche
Paul Stephenson's party paul Stephenson's do
It was the greatest party I ever went to