Kunt And The Gang - Teach Your Kids To Smoke lyrics

People are living far too long
That’s part of evolution
The world is overpopulated but I’ve
Thought of a solution
It’s high time we stopped pussy-footing and
Someone stood up and spoke
Let’s re-write the curriculum and teach
Our kids to smoke

Teach your kids to smoke
Teach your kids to smoke
It can cause cancer
Emphysema and increased chance of a stroke
That little Thai kid on YouTube did
And out there they’re all broke
So save up your pennies, buy some Bennies and
Teach your kids to smoke

Offer up your kid a fag
You’re teaching them to share
Take them outside to spark it up
They’re getting some fresh air
The bestest time to start them off
Is when they’re very young
You never hear of toddlers with
Tumours on the lung

On their faces you’ll see broken
Veins but also massive grins
As they roll their own with Old Holborn
And a book of Rizla skins
If your kid doesn’t like the fags
Or is not the cigarette type
Pin the little bastard down and
Make him smoke a pipe

Teach your kids to smoke
Teach your kids to smoke
Have one ready with their Shreddies
As soon as they’ve awoke
You’ll know they’re getting into it when
Their voices start to croak
Ignore your doubts just splash the snouts and
Teach your kids to smoke

Childhood obesity’s a worrying thing
The trend is quite incessant
So force your kids to have a fag
It’s an appetite suppressant
Don’t let the risk of emphysema
Put them off their puffing
When they wake up and cough up blood
It could amount to nothing

So get your toddler smoking
It’ll make the kid a man
Send em to a playgroup that
Defies the smoking ban
Think of all the positives
They’ll look older by miles
And will be less of a
Target for local paedophiles

Teach your kids to smoke
Teach your kids to smoke
A fag and a match can turn
Your little boy into a bloke
The first puff is the deepest and
It often makes them choke
But don’t let ‘em fail, make them inhale
Teach your kids to smoke

If you want your kids to get
Good marks and generally do well
Give them 200 duty frees to
Take to show and tell
If they sell their duty frees at school
You can share in the spoils
For the thrifty childhood smoker
There’s 25 in Rothman’s Royals

They’ll be coughing up their guts
In scout and brownie huts
As they try and win their recycling
Badge for rolling up some butts
And if our project goes to plan
And makes the public think
Why not take it one step further
And teach our kids to drink

"Daddy, what’s that?"
"It’s a Jaegerbomb, son now come on
Neck it or you’re gonna get a smacked arse"