Kunt And The Gang - The Birds and the Bees lyrics

Well, I was at a family
Wedding and to be frank
I was thinking about fucking off home
'cause it was proper wank
The free bar had run out and
So I decided to leave
When all of a sudden this little
Kid came up to me
He said: "I've heard some words in
The playground I don't understand
For example, anus
Front bottom and mammary glands"
Before I knew it he clambered up
And was sat on my knee
And he said: "Uncle Kunt
Will you tell me 'bout the
Birds and the bees?"

So, I stopped, scratched my head
And then I said

"Well, your Dad, he took his cheesy pole
Which he stuck in Mummy's fishy hole
Then he moved it in and out, in and out
In and out until little tadpoles come out"

"But the thing is, you see
My Mum is a lesby friend
And neither her or my other
Mummy has got a bell-end
They've both got vaginas so
I'm confused you see
Without any cocks or mens milk
How the fuck did they make me?"

So, I stopped, scratched my head
And then I said

"Mmm well
They probably found some bloke and got
Him to wank into a yoghurt pot
And then she put the jizz into a syringe
And squirted it up her minge
So, your Daddy brought his cheesy pole
Off into a pot of Benecol
Then again, the pot might have been Ski
But either way it was white wee wee
And that's the birds and the bees