Kunt And The Gang - You Brought a Paedo Along to Five-A-Side lyrics

On Monday nights in Pit'sea
There’s not that much to do
So a game of 5-a-side is
Something I like to pursue
My mate Hayden brought his mate Matt
Whose footwork was quite nifty
But I always sensed something about
Him that was rather shifty

He was flash, he had all the skill
Like Figo or Deco
But the next day there’s his mugshot on
The front page of the Echo
I phoned Hayden and called him a cunt
"What’s that for?" he replied
Because you brought a paedo along
To five a side

The big I am, it was just a sham
He’d been watching kids whack
Off into a webcam

You brought a paedo along to five a side
He told us he would pay next week
It turned out that he lied
We’ve had some oddballs but no one
Who had that much to hide
You brought a paedo along to five a side

He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, whoah oh
He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, whoah oh
He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, whoah oh
He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, whoah oh

He always scored his one on ones
And often scored from range
But he lingered in the changing rooms
When kids were getting changed
He often used a lollipop to
Go past an opponent
In gaining children’s trust
They were also a key component

He’d step over once then twice
And then unleash a shot
I thought he was joking when he
Said Tracey Beaker was quite hot
When he was convicted
From the sports club he got sacked
They couldn’t trust him around girls
Whose hymens were intact

He weighed in with goals
He was a decent striker
I’ve got a little cousin
I think he might like her

You brought a paedo along to five a side
I thought he must have kids at
School cos he hung about outside
From now on a CRB check
They’ll need to provide
Since you brought a paedo along
To five a side

You bought a paedo along to 5 a side
You bought a paedo along to 5 a side
I thought his bird worked in a museum
He said she was a guide
You bought a paedo along to 5 a side

He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, whoah oh
He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, whoah oh
He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, whoah oh
He was a paedo, whoah oh, whoah oh, paedo