Monty Python - Witch burning lyrics

- We have found a witch may we burn her?
- Burn her!
- How do you know she is a witch?
- She looks like one - Bring her forward
- I am not a witch
- But you are dressed as one
- They dressed me up like this - We didn't!
- And this isn't my nose it's a false one
- Well? - Well, we did do the nose
- The nose? - And the hat but she is a witch
- Burn her!
- Did you dress her up like this? - No
- Yes - Yes, a bit she has got a wart
- What makes you think she is a witch?
- Well, she turned me into a newt - A newt?
- I got better - Burn her anyway
- Burn her!
- Quiet! There are ways of telling
Whether she is a witch
- Are there? What are they? Tell us
- Tell me, what do you do with witches?
- Burn them!
- What do you burn apart from witches?
- More witches! - Wood
- So, why do witches burn?
- 'Cause they're made of wood? - Good!
- So
How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
- Build a bridge out of her
- Can you not also make bridges of stone?
- Oh, yeah - Does wood sink in water?
- No - It floats
- Throw her into the pond!
- What also floats in water? - Bread
- Apples - Very small rocks
- Cider - Cherries
- Gravy - Mud
- Churches - Lead
- A duck! - Exactly
So, logically
- If she weighs the same as a duck
She's made of wood - And, therefore
- A witch! - A witch!