NTHN (UK) - Aware lyrics

I’ve always fought with how I feel but
Never used to let it show
Intended to express it but was too afraid
Of letting go of everything I knew
Of a pride I thought I had
Of the front that I was putting up
But I paid the price for that

So Tides was the start
Of sharing sentiments I’d sheltered on
Memory cards and notebooks
Addressing issues that I’ve long overlooked
As I tell myself and others that I’m fine
But the truth is
I’m no good at coping on my own
At times I’m self-destructive
I struggle with feeling low
My lack of self-esteem leaves me
Deconstructing every detail
Until I’m questioning my own thoughts
Sometimes I need support

But I’ve come to accept that
I’m happy with where I’m at now
This project is my way of
Finally letting my guard down
‘Cause the walls that I constructed only
Ever left me feeling trapped
So I’m breaking down each
One with every track

Sometimes our attempts to protect ourselves
Reject what we need most
All our problems are internalised
We never realise the cost
So I’m swallowing my pride
Following my own advice and sharing the side
Of me I used to hide
I was lost in the illusion that sharing my
Vulnerabilities would be a sign of weakness
Until I realised communication is
The only way i’ll ever be able to beat this

It takes a different type of strength
To stand up to yourself and
Share what’s going on
When you’re not one to ask for help
Despite the pain it may cause
And the worry it brings
The conversations that leave you wishing
You hadn’t said a thing

And there are times when it’s not
Clear if it was worth it
Would you be better had you never
Let them see below the surface?
But now I can’t imagine not
Having someone to talk to
Had I have carried on alone I’m
Not sure I’d have got through

We’re encouraged to strive for independence
But never told of the importance of support
Always scared to lower our defences in
Fear of appearing incompetent or immature

So this is everything I’ve struggled with
The parts of me I never acknowledged
‘til I was used to this
Now that it’s finally starting to make sense
This is my journey from
Awareness to acceptance