The Boondocks - A Huey Freeman Christmas lyrics

He knows when you been sleeping!

All right amen

He knows when you're awake!
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for what

Goodness sake

Think about that be good for goodness sake

Yes

Whose sake

Goodness sake speak, sister, speak!

It's time to take the ho's
Out the music videos And
Put 'em in your mouth somebody say "ho, ho
Ho

"Ho, ho, ho!

Nowadays, people think "ho, ho, ho
" means the Hilton sisters standing
Next to Nicole Richie
Now, that ain't no "ho, ho, ho
"Somebody give me the real "ho, ho, ho
" out there ho, ho, ho!

Praise Santa!

FedEx, UPS they can ship the
Package but wait a minute

Hold on!

I know a man with a different
Kind of guaranteed overnight delivery
He's got his own overnight express
Forget Airborne Express
I'll take the reindeer express
'Cause it's free shipping on Christmas Eve
Somebody say

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho ho, ho, ho ho, ho, ho
Ho, ho, ho

Praise Santa

Ladies and gentlemen, from the North Pole
May we present Santa Claus

Merry Christmas, kids hi, everybody
Hi ho, ho, ho

Santa!

What a jolly day

I love you, Santa! Hi, Santa!

Hey, Merry Christ-

Santa!

Yeah, I got your ass, Santa!
I'm comin' for that ass! Punk yo ass! Uh oh

He's killing him!

What the fuck
You all just gonna stand there and
Watch me get my ass kicked
Nobody had my back, huh
Nobody's got Santa's back ain't this a bitch
That's fucked up with y'all

Santa said the F-word!

Even Santa gets angry sometimes

And the sixth day of Kwanzaa is
Kuji- Ku- Uh, uh- Ku- Wow
This is really complicated
The sixth day is Er, uh Kuumba kuuuuumbaaaa

Harold Kennedy Uberwitz was
My history teacher
He was culturally sensitive

And on Kuumbay- Uh, Kuumba- uh, the elder-
Okay, that would be me
Leads everyone in the Harambee salute
And that goes like: Harambee! Okay, great
So who wants to join me
In the Harambee salute anyone huey
You sure it's Kwanzaa okay
No problem here we go
Harambee! Harambee! Harambee!
Harambee! Harambee!
Harambee! Harambee! Harambee! Harambee!

You want me to direct the Christmas play

Absolutely iI think you'll do a fantastic job

First of all
I don't give a damn about Christmas

You don't have to do
A traditional Christmas play
No, you can do whatever you want

You'll be fired

Fired for what

For being an irresponsible white person

I would really love to see your vision

Vision what do you know about my vision
My vision would turn your world upside
Down, tear asunder your illusions
And send the sanctuary of your own
Ignorance crashing down around you
Now, ask yourself: Are you really
Ready to see that vision

We'll give you complete creative control

I want it in writing

And suddenly, there was with the angel-
A multitude of the heavenly host
Praising God, and saying, "Glory
To God in the highest and on Earth, peace
Goodwill toward men
"And that's what Christmas is all about"

Mm hm you hear that, boy
That's what Christmas is all about

Actually, Granddad
Christmas is a pagan holiday
And Jesus probably hates you
For celebrating it

There ain't gonna be no
Scrooges in this house, boy!

Look, Granddad
It's clear from the scripture that Jesus
Was not born in winter
The shepherds, who saw the
Angels announcing his birth
Would not have been out in
Their fields in December
The Palestinian winters are too cold
If you believe in that sort of thing
The truth is, Christmas evolved from
The Roman holiday Saturnalia
A winter festival where men gave
Gifts to each other
They also would get drunk
Have sex with each other and beat their wives
People would act so crazy on Christmas
The holiday was outlawed by the
Protestant church until the 1800s
As a matter of fact
The United States Congress

Granddad granddad!

I'm sorry, boy wh-wh-what was that

I just explained the entire
History of Christmas

But it was booooring, Huey
You just, "Blah, blah, gay sex
Blah, blah, Congress
"You know, you gotta be interesting
You're gonna talk me to death
Talk, talk, talk

And that's when it hit me
The world needed to see my vision
But, I needed to dress it up first
It needed scale and drama and special effects

What are you doing

I'm writing a letter to Santa
"Dear Santa you are a bitch nigga-"
Wait, wait, wait hold up, hold up, hold up
"Dear Santa you are a bitch ass nigga
I heard the mall is hiring
Extra security to protect you
That's a bitch move, Santa
I'm coming for that ass again until
You pay what you owe

"Sincerely yours, the Santa Stalker

I think you should do a play
About what Christmas is really about

Christmas is about how Santa died
For our gifts and rose
From the dead and moved to the North Pole

And because of that, every year
Santa comes down to forgive us our
Sins and give us eternal presents

Man, Santa these nuts! Where was Santa
When we was in the 'hood, huh
Santa ain't show a nigga no love back then
I didn't ask for much just rims
Not even a whole car and what did we get
Nothin' that nigga gonna pay what he owe

Merry Christmas, Mr uberwitz
Are you here to see MrFreeman

Uh yeah one second mr uberwitz is here okay
He's just finishing up another meeting
You can have a seat in the hallway
Can I get you anything some water

No, I'm fine thank you huey

Oh, hey Mr uberwitz this is Quincy Jones
I've asked him to come in and co-produce

How are you, man

I I I 'm good how do-How do you know Huey

Oh, me and Huey go way back and by the way
I hope you're not gonna be getting strange
With the change on the music budget

Music budget?

What the-Hey!
Have y'all lost your damn minds
Opening night is less than two weeks away
And y'all wanna party

We're just having some fun

Fun do I look like Charlie Brown

No

Do I look like Charlie Brown you know what
All y'all are fired!

What? Fired?

Did I stutter beat it!

Huey but, Iit It's the entire cast
Are you sure that's a good idea

Contract

I'm sorry, guys

I can't believe it

Hey, don't be lookin' at me

Don't look at Quincy Jones
Quincy Jones ain't gonna help you
Get your asses out now!
Is there any money in the
Budget for a casting director

That's right, Bob
A little bit of the Christmas
Spirit is returning to Woodcrest
As Santa Claus makes his first appearance
Since being assaulted by the unknown
But probably Arab, Santa Stalker
One week ago

And you're gonna protect me, right

Now, don't you worry about a
Thing, Mr santa Claus, sir i got you covered
Now, I know I'm a very large man
But, I'm a picture of athleticism

Well, hello there
And what would you like Santa
To bring you for Christmas

I want a Uh, Santa
You got a red dot on your head

Nooooooooo! Ow! Goddamn!
That had to pierce a spleen or somethin'
God! Medic! Medic!

Merry Christmas, nigga!

Aah! Santa, why you ruined my childhood!

You gonna pay what you owe, Santa!
You gonna pay what you owe!
Running like a bitch

Backup i need backup
I'm fat i can't run very fast
I think I'm having a heart attack
And a couple of light strokes

Merry Christmas, nigga damn

Okay, now for the role of the third wise man
We have Mr fogelbury or Denzel Washington

I say, Denzel

Yeah, me too okay, and for the role of Mary
We have third-grade science teacher
Mrs peterson or Angela Bassett

Well, Mrs peterson gave a serious read

Yeah, she sure did

But, I say, Angela Bassett

Yeah, me too

Guys, how do we afford denzel
Washington and Angela Bassett

I don't know have we gotten word yet
On Will Smith's availability

W-whoa, whoa, whoa
We can't afford Will Smith

Damn the budget! What we're doing
Is more important than money
We will change Christmas and
Elementary-school theater forever

But we don't have the money

Contract

Oh, Huey
You've got a lunch meeting at 11: 30 about
The sound effects for the dogfight sequence

Cancel it

The PTA is threatening a boycott of the
Play since you fired all the kids

Don't care

And the principal's in your office
To talk about the script

Who?

First of all, i just wanted you to know
We're thrilled with the script

Absolutely fantastic brilliant
Wouldn't change a thing

We just had a couple of notes

One or two nothing significant

Let's see, uh, there's a typo on page five
Uh, there's a continuity problem on page 32
I think that scene's supposed to be at night
Um, let's see, um- Oh, yeah, um, and
Uh Jesus can't be black

What do you mean he can't be black

He can't be black
Maybe we can make Jesus another color

How 'bout white

But Jesus was black

We could probably do Italian

Jesus was Middle Eastern
In addition to Arabs, the Middle East has
Always had many people of African descent
Whom you would consider black

Sorry, can't do it

Oh, rightThat

Best of luck

Break a leg i can't wait for opening night

Riley!

Jazmine

Riley, you came to see Santa

Shh!

Ladies and gentlemen, from the North Pole
The reeeeal Santa Claus!

What the hell

Hey, there, pretty little white children
Now, look at all them
Precious little vanilla-colored faces

I heard this was the only guy
They could find to do it

Now, I know y'all think old Santa Claus look
A little bit darker than he used to
Ho, ho! But see
That's just 'cause Santa Claus got
A little bit of re-vitiligo
See, that's the opposite of
What Michael Jackson got
Don't worry, no Jesus juice up here
Come on, let's get this show on the road

That's not Santa!

Okay, who's first

That's not Santa
It's an impostor! Beware of the false Santa!

Kids, kids, calm down
Accompanying parents, calm down as well
I am the real Santa Claus ho, ho, ho
Look at my belly shake
The heartbreaker re-vitiligo is a
Very serious life-threatening condition

Hey, I've been in show business a long time
Huey
This kind of thing comes with the territory
I know you'll do the right thing

Huey, it could still be a great play
We could cut a few scenes
Make some changes to the script huey
We have to put something on

Do what you have to do
Just take my name off of it
Won't be my vision

Hello yeah yeah, it's resolved
We'll be ready to put the play on tomorrow

Why doesn't the real Santa come'

Cause there ain't no real Santa

We all want to believe
In miracles on Christmas all of us

No Santa Claus
Well, I'd expect a heathen nigglet like
Riley to say something like that
But, Jazmine, I'm surprised at you
Being a mulatto and all
You've supposed to have more sense

Huh

I'm Special Agent Ruckus shh!
Volunteer Santa Security
Santa has reason to believe
That your little jungle
Friend Riley may be the Santa Stalker

That makes perfect sense

Mm hm santa couldn't come this year
Just wasn't safe maybe next year

So he's real

Real as the Irish blood
Charging through my veins

But Christmas miracles only happen in the
Lies adults tell to children
And maybe in Christmas specials

Mr uberwitz put on the play as scheduled
Not a single word was changed
And so, by some miracle
The world saw my vision that night
The Adventures of Black Jesus received
A 20-minute standing ovation
It was called "a stunning revolution in
Theatre" by the Woodcrest Post Gazette
Unfortunately, the PTA protest had
Gained some ground
Seems that people didn't care about my vision
They cared about seeing their kids on stage
Who knew

Yay, Huey! Yay!

Mr uberwitz was fired for
Disobeying orders and for generally being an
Irresponsible white person

Harambee! Harambee! Harambee! Harambee!

He would later become a professor of African
American Studies at the
University of Maryland no video exists of
The one-time-only performance
Of The Adventures of Black Jesus
Just as well i hate looking at my old work

Ahhh!

I heard you work for Santa
I got a message for him tell him Riley said
I'll be waiting for his ass next Christmas
And that nigga better pay what he owe!

Ow!