Andrea Gibson - Boomerang Valentine lyrics

I’m sitting on my friends’ couch several
Months into being intentionally single and
Celibate for the first time since
I was 20 years old
20 years old: when I believed sex had to
Involve a dude and the word "screw"
I’m telling my friend about the psychic
Who said I’m going to
Meet the love of my life
By the end of January
It’s January 10th and I’m so far from
Ready for Cupid, that naked little shit
To fire anything sharp my way

So far from ready to be that kind
Of insane only love makes me
My friend musters every bit of new age
Jargon she can fit unto her tongue and says
"What if you are the love of your life?"
I think, "Oh my god, I hope that’s not true
Because I am absolutely not my type"

But, let’s say for a moment, I am
Let’s say I am my dream girlish boy
And I am standing on my front step
Ringing my own doorbell
Waiting for me to answer
So I can hand myself a mason jar full of
Water lilies I have rescued
From a millionaire’s Monet let’s say
I am so charmed by the radiance of my
Own anarchy I invite myself in for tea
And when I’m not looking
I sneak the steam from the kettle into my
Pocket, so that the next time I
Am missing the coast of Maine
I can gift myself the fog

Let’s say I’m not just running
My mouth around an old
Cliché that says we gotta
Love ourselves we don’t
I know that I can keep getting down on
Myself ‘til I’m tucked into the grave
Looking up at my name, carved in stone
Wondering why I never knew I’d been cast
The lead in my own life

When it comes to love
The only thing I’m certain of is you are the
Best thing that has ever happened to you
Whoever you are- you’re a quitter? Great
There is plenty worth quitting
A sore loser? Who isn’t?
You got no discipline? Maybe
Discipline is for
Body builders and closeted gay monks
Picture a magician so attached to
Being perfect that he cuts
Off his own legs just to pull off the trick

Picture the 738 selfies I deleted
Before I took one
That I was willing to show to the world
Picture me wishing I could have
All of those back
My so called "flaws" in stacks
Like baseball cards I know will
Be worth something someday like, compassion
Like, tenderness
Like, my capacity to think myself a
Catch just because I have
Never seen a chandelier I didn’t
Want to swing from
Because I would maybe go to
Space just to know
If railroad tracks look like
Zippers from the moon

On days I have hard time keeping
Warm in my own weather-
I imagine what the first flower
Said to the first human
Trying to name half it's flower
Petals "love me not’s"

No that is not how anything grows
Of all the violence I have known in my life
I have not known violence like the
Way I have spoken to myself

And I have seen almost
Everyone around me hold
That same belt to their own backs
An ambush of every way we have
Decided we are not enough
Then, looking for someone
Outside of themselves
To come clean that treason up
If I were to ask myself out of
That cycle, I might say, Listen
I am still going through my growth spurt
I am still yet to get my worst tattoo
I am still clearing the
Smoke from burning the
Toast I wrote for my own wedding day
I am still trying to get
Rid of my mirror face
Look myself dead in the eye

I know Facebook is a lousy mortician
Desperately trying to make us
All look more alive
I know there are things I haven’t survived
I know there are people in this world who
Have had to work really hard to survive
Me, I don’t ever want to take that lightly
But, I want the heavy to anchor me brave
To anchor me loving
To anchor me in something that will
Absolutely hold me to my word
When I tell Cupid I intend to keep walking
Out to the tip of his arrow
To bend it back towards myself
To aim for my goodness 'til the muscle in
My chest tears from the stretch of becoming
When I came here to be a lover of
Whatever got covered up by the airbrush
The truth of me: that beauty of a beast

Chewing through the leash
'Til I get a mason jar full of water lilies
I got a kettle full of sea
And my whole life, y'all
My whole life is just a boomerang
Valentine coming right back at me