Aurelio Voltaire - The Straight-Razor Cabaret lyrics

In a cafe on the Champs-Élysées
I saw a girl the other day i was beguiled
'Til i saw her smile
It was a gash across her face

Not long ago she found that she was alone
So she wandered into a vaudeville show
She should have known it'd be bad
She saw the name that it had
The Straight Razor Cabaret
The first act was a stripper
And the host looked like Jack the Ripper
But the audience was dreary
So he slashed them smiles from ear to ear

He used a straight razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than
A stick in the mud if he tells a joke
You'd better laugh until you choke
At the Straight Razor Cabaret

When I went down to Camden town
I saw a man reading a Bible
I won't in haste describe his face
For I might be sued for libel

Not long ago he found that he was alone
So he wandered into a vaudeville show
He should have known he'd be maimed
When he discovered the name
The Straight Razor Cabaret
While his trumpet stroked a Donkey
The host juggled five dead monkeys
But the audience were snobs
So he took a knife right to their gobs

He used a straight razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than
A stick in the mud if he tells a joke
You'd better laugh until you choke
At the Straight Razor Cabaret

He used a straight razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than
A stick in the mud if he does a trick
You better laugh until you're sick
At the Straight Razor Cabaret

La la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la

He used a straight razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than
A stick in the mud if he tells a joke
You'd better laugh until you choke
At the Straight Razor Cabaret

They call him straight razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than
A stick in the mud if he pulls a gaffe you
Better bloody up and laugh!
At the Straight Razor Cabaret!
At the Straight Razor Cabaret!
At the Straight Razor Caba-
La la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la everybody!
La la, la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
At the Straight Razor Cabaret!