Buck 65 - Rat's Ass/Customs lyrics

Standin' on the side of the road
With a long shadow and suitcases
Going nowhere, and I don't care
I'm a grown man hold my own hand
Kickin' my own ass for cryin'
I'm dyin' on the inside
They don't know who I am filthy, fraught
And haunted by a guilty conscience
Runnin' away
And all because of silly nonsense
Gone since - God knows when
And I ain't comin' back knowin' that
No one gives a rat's ass anyway

I just wanna find a place where I
Can sit in a rocking chair
No matter how far
Even if it means walking there
Maybe I'll get me a dog for some company
It's better than tryin' to
Figure out somebody
Give me a good book, a radio
And a sewing machine a place in the woods by
The ocean and no inbetween
I gotta get rid of these
Dark circles and headaches
Maybe if I meditate, rather than medicate
I can no longer hesitate, I get so frantic
But what if my wishes are overly romantic
Though, the suns too low in the
Sky for second guesses I reken
And I'm used to taking chances
Breakin' a few branches
And gettin' lucky now and then
Findin' some trouble
Was just a matter of how and when
And now I take notes
And make boats from Burch bark
But stress still shows in my
Face like a birthmark
As soon as I get where I'm going
I'm going to wash my hands thoroughly
And start getting out of bed earlier
It's curious the way I've tried vicariously
To fly so low to the ground and so carelessly
How embarassing
I can't wait to call it quit's
Knowing that more and more tiring
Is all it gets
I've applied various and unique strategies
Read a few Greek tragedies and
Fasted for two weeks been rollin' around
In the hole in the ground
No surprise both my eyes are swollen shut
I'm stranded with no supplies i need a lift

What have I done?