Cosmo Jarvis - Dave's House lyrics
[Cosmo Jarvis - Dave's House lyrics]
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays with me
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
And if you tell your friends
They won't believe
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
So now we have a place that we can go
You can do it in a closet
But, I'm not sure that's the best place
See, you can't lock the door
So maybe try and do it
When your girlfriend's sleeping
Make sure she can't hear you creeping
Instead, build a shed to facilitate the act
But, if someone sees you
You might as well pack
Your bags and leave the country
Run free like a squirrel in an oak tree
Slowly your appalling technique will improve
You'll have to move to a new
Spot where not a soul intrudes
Like a bank vault, all you'd need is the keys
But, if a bank robber caught you
He'd call the police
And then what, back to the closet?
No, there must be some sick hole we can go
And just do what we do in God's sweet peace
And on a Friday
Have a coffee and talk about the week
In the meantime, you'll have to settle for
Disused petrol stations
Nature reserves and grandma's basement
Many blatant signs of nefarious areas
If you do see a human being
Go somewhere scarier!
I tried it in a hospital one time
But like a fool
I forgot that they're open all the time
You could travel to a
Dead relative's old place
And if they really are dead
They'll let you stay a couple days
After you do it, don't stay put
Go to the last place people will look for you
And also don't forget that
Alibis are important too
Somebody you trust, never somebody new!
This is the life and there is no solution
Until somebody forms us an institution
Where the mes and the yous and the everybodys
Can go do this shit without having to worry
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays with me
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
And if you tell your friends
They won't believe
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
So now we have a place that we can go
Well you love her
Been relationshipping for a year
And you're never gonna cheat, so have no fear
My love, it's okay, I know you had a dream
That he was cheating on you
Don't cry, but please, scream
And a Friday gives you a bronze idea
To go and see Dave for a chat and a beer
But, oh dear
Who's here but that girl you imagined?
When you're shaking up yourself to
Jasmine and Aladdin fantasies
You're rubbing
And the lamp's gonna thank you
By showing you a genie, man
But, you forgot the tissue
Anyway, Brixham, I mean Dave's town
Dave, the king pimp
Seems to have called you a girl down
And you love your man Dave
The beer was free and splendid
But, you kept it very distinct
That you're happily girlfriended
You try and squeeze it
In before the inevitable
Puts it's hand on your balls and
Dips 'em in some hot sauce
And then orders you a six course
Meal of unnecessary heart ache too late
You already pinched her ass and told
Her that she looks great
You look at Dave and flash
At him those eyebrows
The eyebrows that you save for when you're
In need of a way out
Before you know it
You're naked in the proverbial deep-end
She likes you, numb nuts
But, you forgot about your girlfriend
Probably sitting at home thinking
About you right now
Quick, say you need a pee and
Just take five minutes out
You need to call her, too drunk to dial
A trial but you make it
Ring ring, no answer, you're screwed man
It's way too late
It's comes down to a choice
That you've already made
Cause you're a slave to the
Power of the red-dressed dame
You need Dave's help
But he's done done enough
See this was no coincidence, Dave set this up
You're angry and you're happy and you
Don't know what to say
Dave whispers in your ear
"You can use my place"
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays with me
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
And if you tell your friends
They won't believe
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
So now we have a place that we can go
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays with me
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
And if you tell your friends
They won't believe
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
So now we have a place that we can go
You can do it in a closet
But, I'm not sure that's the best place
See, you can't lock the door
So maybe try and do it
When your girlfriend's sleeping
Make sure she can't hear you creeping
Instead, build a shed to facilitate the act
But, if someone sees you
You might as well pack
Your bags and leave the country
Run free like a squirrel in an oak tree
Slowly your appalling technique will improve
You'll have to move to a new
Spot where not a soul intrudes
Like a bank vault, all you'd need is the keys
But, if a bank robber caught you
He'd call the police
And then what, back to the closet?
No, there must be some sick hole we can go
And just do what we do in God's sweet peace
And on a Friday
Have a coffee and talk about the week
In the meantime, you'll have to settle for
Disused petrol stations
Nature reserves and grandma's basement
Many blatant signs of nefarious areas
If you do see a human being
Go somewhere scarier!
I tried it in a hospital one time
But like a fool
I forgot that they're open all the time
You could travel to a
Dead relative's old place
And if they really are dead
They'll let you stay a couple days
After you do it, don't stay put
Go to the last place people will look for you
And also don't forget that
Alibis are important too
Somebody you trust, never somebody new!
This is the life and there is no solution
Until somebody forms us an institution
Where the mes and the yous and the everybodys
Can go do this shit without having to worry
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays with me
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
And if you tell your friends
They won't believe
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
So now we have a place that we can go
Well you love her
Been relationshipping for a year
And you're never gonna cheat, so have no fear
My love, it's okay, I know you had a dream
That he was cheating on you
Don't cry, but please, scream
And a Friday gives you a bronze idea
To go and see Dave for a chat and a beer
But, oh dear
Who's here but that girl you imagined?
When you're shaking up yourself to
Jasmine and Aladdin fantasies
You're rubbing
And the lamp's gonna thank you
By showing you a genie, man
But, you forgot the tissue
Anyway, Brixham, I mean Dave's town
Dave, the king pimp
Seems to have called you a girl down
And you love your man Dave
The beer was free and splendid
But, you kept it very distinct
That you're happily girlfriended
You try and squeeze it
In before the inevitable
Puts it's hand on your balls and
Dips 'em in some hot sauce
And then orders you a six course
Meal of unnecessary heart ache too late
You already pinched her ass and told
Her that she looks great
You look at Dave and flash
At him those eyebrows
The eyebrows that you save for when you're
In need of a way out
Before you know it
You're naked in the proverbial deep-end
She likes you, numb nuts
But, you forgot about your girlfriend
Probably sitting at home thinking
About you right now
Quick, say you need a pee and
Just take five minutes out
You need to call her, too drunk to dial
A trial but you make it
Ring ring, no answer, you're screwed man
It's way too late
It's comes down to a choice
That you've already made
Cause you're a slave to the
Power of the red-dressed dame
You need Dave's help
But he's done done enough
See this was no coincidence, Dave set this up
You're angry and you're happy and you
Don't know what to say
Dave whispers in your ear
"You can use my place"
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays with me
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
And if you tell your friends
They won't believe
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
What happens in Dave's house
Stays in Dave's house
So now we have a place that we can go