Crypt - I'm Not Okay lyrics

It seems like every time I go and
Try and pick up the mic
I rap about the things that don't
Really affect me in life
Like how I'm great at articulatin'
My bars that I write
Or how the fame will never change
A single thought in my mind
I rap about how I'm better
Than any rapper in sight
I rap about how how I'd kill 'em
On a beat if they even tried
I rap about how I'd eat 'em and
Then make fun of my size
I rap about all these mumblin' rappers
And tell them to die
Because I get so angry that they
Don't even think when they write
But come to think of it
When it comes to thinkin', neither do I
I like to act like I'm the greatest
To ever ink out a rhyme
But who am I convincin'? I like
To keep my confidence high
But I lie to myself every time
That I say that I'm fine
Because deep inside I'm scared to write
About what's in my mind
All these sensitive topics are
Bottled up really tight
And I can't take a sip
Cause takin' a sip brings my demons to life
I'm not alright, I'm not okay
I can't rap about the things
That are causing pain
It leaves a stain when I put 'em on
The paper they don't ever leave my cranium
They stay inside brain and multiply
Into to a greater sum
It's like they stay dormant until I
Force them into the world
Then they become the main
Source of my torment i cannot endure this
It aches to my core and it's horseshit
'Cause all I wanna do is just ignore it
But I can't and y'all don't understand
The type of mindset that it
Fuckin' puts me in
When you ask me to rap an emotional track
I have to reach back
To a part of my brain that is black
I cannot escape it i can barely take it
I can't face all this pain
That my heart is taking
It's aching every bar I'm saying
'Cause it's hard to make it day to day
These scars are saying

I'm not alright i'm not okay
I don't wanna feel today
I don't wanna deal with pain
Someone take this all away
'Cause I'm not okay i'm not alright
I'm not okay i'm not alright
I'm not okay i'm not alright
I'm not alright i'm not okay

No one even knows about this
Crutch that I have
That's why my discography don't have
Any songs that are sad
Because every time I go and try and make one
Depression awakens and takes over
Like a tape worm and it eats away at my soul
So many stories that went untold
'Cause I'm not man enough
To control my emotions
So I bury them all down below
I'm not alright, I'm not okay
I can't talk about the things
That are causing pain
I can't talk about the time
That I lost my first
Love and wanted to shoot myself
In the motherfuckin' brain
I can't talk about the night
That she left me I
Put a bag over my head to try and suffocate
But I backed out, just before I blacked out
So my mother wouldn't have to put
Her own son in the grave
I can't talk about the day
That I lost my grandma
I prayed to God, but now I am lost
'Cause I asked him to save
Her but the next day
He'd take her away and now my faith is gone
I often think, is she proud of me?
She never even knew about this rap scene
She never even knew I swore
Never knew about my tour
Hell she ain't even know about half of me
I'm not alright, I'm not okay
Everybody tells me time will
Take away the pain
Everybody tells me life is a just a
Book of chapters and all I
Have to do is act like it
Never happened and turn the page
But they don't that all my
Pages are the same
Every one contains the same info
The same pain
The same blacked out window, the same pane
The same passed down limbo, the same shame
I'm not alright, I'm not okay
I would trade it all away to write a new page
But none are blank, they're all full
It's not cool
All tellin' me I'll never make it in this
Game of life and I'm a fool
All tellin' me to get up on a pedestal, put
A rope around my neck tie it off
And jump until it pulls
Smothering me to death
Maybe then I'll get some rest
But until then I got some
More people to impress
I gotta put the fake smile on
That fake voice
Gotta fake everything just so people pay coin
I always say that anyone who's fake that
I'd punch 'em in the jaw
So I'm hitting myself cause I'm
The fakest of 'em all
I don't even know how to be real
Hell I don't even know who the real me is
Maybe when I can finally be still
The fake me will cease to exist
And the real me will live

I'm not alright i'm not okay
I don't wanna feel today
I don't wanna deal with pain
Someone take this all away
'Cause I'm not okay