Drive-By Truckers - The President's Penis Is Missing lyrics

(scene: the press corps have descended
Upon the white house, a spokesperson
Begins to speak:)

"they looked in the white
House and capitol hill
They looked everywhere for buffalo bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the president's penis?"

"it ain't in the congress or judiciary
It ain't in the smithsonian or
That big ole library
An astronomer claims it was sighted on venus
Has anyone seen the president's penis?"
(now the entire press corp erupts in song:)
"the president's penis is missing ole'!
We searched high and low
Every night everyday
Lord, won't you come down and redeem us
Has anyone seen the president's penis?"



(at this point
Legendary news man walter cronkite returns
From the moon to add his commentary:)
"now presidents have goofed up in
All kinds of ways
In the 80's we elected one missing his brain
George washington caught a cold
He couldn't explain
And we all know the truth
About thomas jefferson's name"

(suddenly william randolph hurst
Rises from the grave and bellows out in an
Orson welles type voice:)
"franklin d roosevelt wasn't no square
With that raging woodrow in his wheelchair
And all the lesbians snickered
That elenor didn't care
And john kennedy's penis was seen everywhere"

(once again everyone breaks out
In gleeful song:)
"the president's penis is missing ole'!
We searched high and low
Every night every day
Lord won't you come down and redeem us
Has anyone seen the president's penis?"

(the scene shifts to sen
John glenn, wandering pensively
Somewhere in space:)
"them outer space people would laugh
If they'd seen us
All this talk about cum-stains
And oral coitus
Meanwhile the whole world suffers
From hunger and meanness
But we're more concerned with
The president's penis"