Eminem - Criminal lyrics

A lot of people ask
Me stupid fuckin' questions
A lot of people think that what
I say on a record
Or what I talk about on a record
That I actually do in real life
Or that I believe in it
Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody
That I'm actually gonna do it or
That I believe in it
Well, shit, if you believe that
Then I'll kill you
You know why? 'Cause I'm a criminal!
Criminal! You're goddamn right
I'm a criminal! yeah, I'm a criminal!

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
Whether you're a fag or lez
Or a homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer's yes
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin' at my jeans
Watchin' my genitals bulgin' (O oh)
That's my motherfuckin' balls
You'd better let go of 'em
They belong in my scrotum
You'll never get hold of 'em!
"Hey, it's me, Versace! Whoops
Somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin' the mail
Get it? Checkin' the male?"
How many records you expectin' to sell
After your second LP sends
You directly to jail?
Come on, relax, guy! I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen! (A-men)
"Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's
Sick in the hospital"
Preacher, preacher! Fifth grade teacher!
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause
I watch TV and Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
And you can't stop me
From droppin' each March
With a brand new CD for these fuckin' retards
(Duh) and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr don't-Give-a-Fuck still won't leave

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one

The mother did drugs, hard liquor
Cigarettes and speed
The baby came out, disfigured ligaments
Indeed it was a seed who would grow
Up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby
'cause that baby was me i'm a criminal
An animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you supposed to
Grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller
But my balls got larger
I drank more liquor to fuck you up quicker
Than you'd wanna fuck me up
For sayin' the word
My morals went thhbbpp when
The president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of
His desk off of his own employee
Now, don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me: I'm white, blonde haired
And my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes
Fun of people that die
In plane crashes and laughs as long
As it ain't happenin' to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em-
-inem and Kim combined (The maniac's in)
In place of the Doctor 'cause
Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather
So I'm takin' his place (Mm-mm-mmm)
Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray
His brains all over the place
I told you, Dre
You should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to
Let me play with it, eh?
I'm a criminal!

MEL-MAN: Aight, look eMINEM: Uh huh
MEL-MAN: Just go up in that motherfucker
Get the motherfuckin' money and get
The fuck up outta there eMINEM: Aight
MEL-MAN: I'll be right here waitin' on you
EMINEM: Aight mEL-MAN: Yo, Em
EMINEM: What?!
MEL-MAN: Don't kill nobody this time
EMINEM: Awwright… goddamn
This motherfucker gets on my fuckin' nerves!
Whistling How you doin'?
TELLER: Hi, how can I help you?
EMINEM: yeah, I need to make a withdrawal
TELLER: Okay eMINEM: Put the fuckin' money
In the bag, bitch, and I won't kill you!
TELLER: What? Oh my God, don't kill me!
EMINEM: I'm not gonna kill you, bitch
Quit lookin' around tELLER: Don't kill me
I've got two kids at home don't kill me!
EMINEM: I said I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you
TELLER: Don't kill me!
EMINEM: Hurry the fuck up! Gunshot Thank you!

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
(Go, go, go) so when I rob a bank
Run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies
The guy in it, I hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired
To pry in my business
Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one
I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird
And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one

(I am) I'm a criminal!