Gaelic Storm - Damn Near Died in Killaloe lyrics

A wedding invitation arrived out of the blue
My cousin Tim was getting
Hitched to a girl from Killaloe
He wanted me to be there
Even though we'd never met
And that wedding day in Killaloe is
A one I won't forget

The knot was tied in Killaloe
He kissed the bride in Killaloe
Got ossified in Killaloe
Damn near died in Killaloe

Well, I cleared the immigration
Went straight up to the hooley
I paid too much insurance for
Me rental from Dan Dooley
'Twas a tiny little Skoda
'twas hardly four feet wide
When we squeezed in
The steering wheel was on the other side
And once we left the airport
I had an awful fright
The cars were coming towards me
I was driving on the right
I went the wrong way 'round the roundabout
I hadn't got a clue
So I started driving backwards down
The road to Killaloe
I crashed my ride in Killaloe
The knot was tied in Killaloe
He kissed the bride in Killaloe
Got ossified in Killaloe
Damn near died in Killaloe

Somehow they lost my luggage
Between Shannon and O'Hare
No toothbrush or tuxedo
No socks or underwear i came in on a Sunday
So all the shops were closed
So my cousins tried to fit me
Out in Uncle Barry's clothes
Who knew what you could
Do with day-glo polyester
With wingtips and a furry tie
I was tricked out like a jester
Ten minutes 'til the service
So what else were we to do?
That's time enough for a couple o'
Rounds at the pub in Killaloe

No clothes had I in Killaloe
I crashed my ride in Killaloe
The knot was tied in Killaloe
He kissed the bride in Killaloe
Got ossified in Killaloe
We damn near died in Killaloe

Well, the church was locked when we arrived
So we snuck around the side
We jumped in through the window
Landed right next to the bride
The groom was hardly sober
So we helped him say "I do"
I think we all got married
In the church in Killaloe
Got locked outside in Killaloe
With a furry tie in Killaloe
No clothes had I in Killaloe
I crashed my ride in Killaloe
The knot was tied in Killaloe
He kissed the bride in Killaloe
Got ossified in Killaloe
We damn near died in Killaloe

Then off to the reception
At Chaplain's function room
Well into the champagne and we
Couldn't find the groom
The best man gave a slurry speech
He rambled on and on
And a pack of drunken uncles
Started singing rebel songs
The ceili band played the Chicken Song
And then the Siege of Ennis
Carly grabbed my hand and wheeled
Me round, by Christ, she was a menace
She threw me 'cross the floor
Bounced me like a kangaroo
We were dancing on the tables
In the pub in Killaloe

And I lost my pride in Killaloe
Got locked outside in Killaloe
With a furry tie in Killaloe
No clothes had I in Killaloe
I crashed my ride in Killaloe
The knot was tied in Killaloe
He kissed the bride in Killaloe
Got ossified in Killaloe
We damn near died in Killaloe
Now, I know they say "What God has joined
Let no man put asunder"
But how anyone survived at all
It's a miracle and wonder
And anyone who says there's
Nothing worse than Armageddon
Has never been invited to
A full-blown Irish wedding

Well, I did survive in Killaloe
My liver fried in Killaloe
And I lost my pride in Killaloe
Got locked outside in Killaloe
With a furry tie in Killaloe
No clothes had I in Killaloe
I crashed my ride in Killaloe
The knot was tied in Killaloe
He kissed the bride in Killaloe
Got ossified in Killaloe
We damn near died in Killaloe