Homeboy Sandman - Trauma lyrics

I got trauma from my momma
She used to beat me down as
If she was the Brown Bomber
I couldn’t figure out a way
To make her feel calmer i think about it
Now: it kinda make me feel somber
I used to think about it
Didn't make me feel nothing
Acting like it mattered
Didn’t make me feel tough and
Feeling tough was really like
My number one focus
From growing up in a city
Lots of people feel hopeless
And listening to music about sex and violence
Just a matter of time 'fore we
Was like: "Let’s try this"
Started having sex whеn I
Was twelve years old
My brain wasn’t еven done growing
Coming from a mom that used to wild and bug
‘Fore i was a teen, I really needed that love
Two years later
She would dump me for a senior
Solidifying my misogynist demeanor
Hearts that young aren’t meant to be broken
Later on, I’d get into incessant weed smoking
Now, at 39, I still be wishing and hoping
Somehow we wind up together: I am not joking
But lemme take it back before
My parents got hitched
My pop was with a woman
Then that had it all wrong
By five years old
I would already think about sex
She used to let me hump her
Legs when he was gone i know that sounds mad
Under the sheets
Rubbing my crotch against her calves
I realize now
I always knew that it was something bad
‘Cause up until this song
I always kept it from my dad
But how come any five-year-old
Would wanna hump legs?
I just might have to owe that
To my neighbor next door
He was a little older and
A little more mature
My mother caught us playing doctor:
I was only four luckily, she caught us ‘fore
We started using mouths
But not before I found out how
It felt to get aroused
Now, I think about it as a grown intellectual
Life as a shortie shouldn’t be so sexual
I also should've never had to lie to BCS
That type of thing could really bring
A kid a lot of stress
My mom had trauma, too
So she was only doing her best
I feared that they were gonna take
Me out of my address no wonder
My relationships with women always fail
What’s crazy is I’m lucky
‘cause at least I’m not in jail
Compared to everybody else, I had it so easy
Got family that was touched up
By uncles: that’s so sleazy
Won’t put they business in the street
‘cause they know who they are
The question I have trouble answering
Is: who am I?
For almost 40 years, I was afraid to even ask
My father always taught me men
Are not supposed to cry
So, every bit of pain I ever had
I locked away but now
I’m here to let you know that
That is not the way
I thought that I had tricked myself
Thought I was being slick
That fantasy departed when I
Started getting sick
The doctors couldn’t tell me any
Way to make it stop
My soul was under too much pressure
It was gonna pop
It turned out that the only way
That I could ever heal
Is start to work through all the
Trauma I had kept concealed
It hasn’t happened overnight
I know that it might take a while
May even take a life but one way or another
I just gotta make it right right?