ILL BILL, Tiara Thomas - When I Die lyrics

I left you outside the gates of heaven
They wouldn't let me in
I waved goodbye as you stepped within
It's like Hell on Earth without you near
I named my daughter after you
So when she smiles
It's sorta like you're still here
It's kinda crazy how time flies
25 years since my grandmoms died
But it feels like just yesterday when
We was all laughing together
Those happy memories are so vivid
They'll last me forever
And yet you're still here somehow
I still feel your presence
I credit you for my inner strength
I feel it in my essence
In my soul, in my inner being, in my genetics
I wouldn't exist if you hadn't
Persisted through the trenches
I wouldn't have been a lyricist
I owe you every sentence
Every verse I've ever written
Your energy is kinetic
Though I've grown up, I'm still heartbroken
Aching to cry
Hoping you're the one holding open
Those gates when I die

My guardian angel flies, these tears I cry
Asking for mercy
Oh, it hurts so deep inside
But I hear your cries asking for mercy

I left you outside the gates of heaven
They wouldn't let me in
I waved goodbye as you stepped within
It's like Hell on Earth without you near
I named my label after you
So when I rhyme it's sorta
Like you're still here it's been a year
Still in shock about exactly
What happened to you
Made a song for you called "My Uncle"
I was just rapping to you
Just talking to you
I just saw you at my mother's house
I can't believe I just bought
A coffin for you
We always feared that you would
Die from an overdose
God knows you loved to do drugs
It swallowed you whole
But in the end, drugs didn't kill you
Cancer did why do good people die young? I
Don't know what the answer is
All I know is I worshipped
You as a scrappy kid
Being around you made me feel
Cooler than rapping did
And that's pretty fucking cool, trust me
I was embarrassed when you
Started smoking crack
Honestly it crushed me
Swept it under the rug
Started smoking weed and popping acid
But managed to not do the uglier drugs
We grew apart after my grandmother died
Homeless, in and outta jail
We stopped relating to each other's lives
But years later, we connected once again
Not just as nephew and uncle, but as homies
We were friends
Though I've grown up, I'm still heartbroken
Aching to cry
Hoping you're the one holding open
Those gates when I die

My guardian angel flies, these tears I cry
Asking for mercy
Oh, it hurts so deep inside
But I hear your cries asking for mercy