Janis Ian - Cosmopolitan Girl lyrics

I was only twenty-nine and lonely as a
Bull moose in heat when he came along
Singing that same old song
I said, you know I'm entering my prime
Thirty-one to thirty-nine
Bet you've read those articles, too
Statistically speaking
My hormones are creeping
I can feel them moving in the night
But like those articles say I am woman
I can wait until it's right

I'm gonna be a cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan
Cosmopolitan girl
I'll take half a dozen lovers and
Teach them what I've seen
In between the covers of my favorite magazine
I'm gonna read statistics, plan logistics
Live my life to thе hilt
Without shame, without pain, without guilt
(We're big on guilt)

I hit thirty waiting for my еndocrines to
Match those questionnaires
He grew impatient, I said I'm saving myself
Meantime, let's do some therapy
Take a course in co-dependency
And while we're at it
You could lose some weight
We've got so much to share no
Don't touch me there
What's another year between friends?
The wait will be worth it
'Cause I'm bound to be perfect by then

I'm gonna be a cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan
Cosmopolitan girl
Well, I'm reading Kama Sutra I
Bought it on cassette
And I found this chiropractor who
Can limber up my neck
I want that first time flawless
Really lawless want to enjoy it to the hilt
Without shame, without pain, without guilt

The big day finally came
There was a note on the door
And it said Here's a little
Something to remember me by
'Cause I've fallen for this waitress
Who respects her cellulite

This is a cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan
Cosmopolitan gift
And I know that you'll appreciate it
When you think of me
All those lonely nights while
You're protecting your virginity
This gift is flawless, this gift is cordless
So enjoy it to the hilt
Without shame, without pain, without guilt
Without shame, without pain, without guilt
No shame, no pain, no guilt