Joell Ortiz - Dear God 125 lyrics

Dear lord why do I feel how I feel
I could move a thousand bundles of crilles
I could hit the lottery for a mill
Money no longer make me smile, it's wild
Chest hurt like burying your first child
I'm really losing my drive to do this music
If it don't happen after this
I'm through with it
25 still in my mums crib, two kids
Ever heard that saying you
So smart you stupid
Thats me, 14 and changing my SAT's
Chose the projects over college
What a fuck up
On the block hollering at bitchs
Like fuck you
You stuck up, what can shorty see in a jerk
And then when she leave, and then
When she get back from work
What am I worth?
Dennis said my pen can get me out the P's
But he been away for 5 so
He don't see what I see
Mum like turn that down I can't hear my Tv
Worrying about them beats
I didn't raise no dead beat
Better find an application boy
Get up on your feet
For Micky D's, was 30 my rhyme book was me
I inked my heart and soul in them sheets
Holler at me yo, I'm so unhappy yo
Don't want to be the dude in the
Barber shop that could of made it
In the cypher with young boys
Spitting shit that's outdated
And them niggers walking away
Like homie was overrated life ain't a bitch
Life is Life and I hate it
Never tried suicide
I ain't got the heart to pull it
Know your brain feel pain when
It's stained by that bullet
I don't want to live, yet I don't want to die
And have god go you was about to do it Joel
Why? Daddy do you even still care
Your boy is still alive?
Ain't seen you since 83', Hello to you too
Guess I was unimportant and you had to do you
Sad that I had to guess that
Just added to my stress
Mum did her best, nah fuck that
I don't get it how could you just go and
Forget that I existed?
Guess I'm not like you, Cos I ain't a punk
I don't run away from problems
I solve them and man up
Mum said I got a step brother called Jamel
An older sister as well, forget her name
Why did we never meet?
I was the only child who wasn't an only child
Who felt lonely, wow how can I tell my son
About a grandpa I don't know
I'm done with you yo, next topic
I miss you Jigs I seen your
Daughters last month they getting big
I know you surprised in heaven
That Evet had a Kid
I wish we could sip one more
Bluey together in that RX7
Niggas smelt like gas
Still we hoped in the pool
Sharked of at her ass
PA ain't the same without you
Whenever me and PO get bent thats my word
We think about you, Rolling up your sleeve
Thats when we knew you was drunk
Remember that time your armpit
Had that yellowish stuff
What the fuck was that?
Be proud of me, I'm coming up in rap
Just waiting on my dough, you know the Biz
What up with miz
Tell that nigga I said what up
Javone getting better at Bball
His tall ass trying to dunk
Through this gift right here I
Promise to stay in touch, one
When will this bus come
Been waiting on this ride for years
All my shirts are stiff from the driest tears
What the fuck Im nice the world need to know
The comments on Hip-Hop game say
Honestly he should blow
All these meetings is lame
Everyone is the same
I pop in my demo and everyone goes insane
Walk out the building head
Higher than cocaine
Only for me to never ever
Hear from them again
Thats why I contemplate putting my pen away
But, I don't cause motherfuckers did
The same shit to Jay
Coincidence? nah I don't believe in those
Shit happen for a reason, if this was meant
Id know
What do I got to do Lord? My songs is tight
My shows is jam packed, Im Hip-Hops anthrax
Nobody can touch me but I'm still in the hood
How could you leave me around danger
When your boy this good?
Patience is a virtue but enough is enough
By the time I get on I'll
Be too tiered to celebrate
Yeh I know I'm lying
I'll wake up when I get that cake
First thing I'll cop is a plane ticket escape
I don't care where just far away from here
Turn my phone off, unfold my beach chair
Just stare
Like hell yeh light told you we would twinkle
Our toes in the sand thats white
Last one to the ocean is weak
And swim in the water thats clear enough
To stand up and see your feet
But thats only an if, if if was a CEO
Wed all have a deal, Wed all sell a mill
I'm talking the underdogs who feel how I feel
If you can't feel can't feel how I feel
But you know what I mean
Right now I know I can only
Write about the things I've seen
Sounds sad, but I could fit that In a 16
The furtherest I've been is LA
For a couple of days
Can't front the plane is smoother than
The front of the train
But anyway everything ain't ok
Im trying to live for today but tomorrow