Kendrick Lamar - Mother I Sober (feat. Beth Gibbons) lyrics

I'm sensitive, I feel everything
I feel everybody
One man standin' on two words, heal everybody
Transformation, then reciprocation
Karma must return
Heal myself, secrets that I hide
Buried in these words
Death threats, ego must die
But I let it purge
Pacify, broken pieces of me
It was all a blur
Mother cried, put they hands on her
It was family ties
I heard it all, I should've grabbed a gun
But I was only five
I still feel it weighin' on my heart
My first tough decision
In the shadows clingin' to my
Soul as my only critic
Where's my faith? Told you I was Christian
But just not today


I transformed, prayin' to the trees
God is taking shape
My mother's mother followed me for
Years in her afterlife
Starin' at me on back of some buses
I wake up at night loved her dearly
Traded in my tears for a Range Rover
Transformation, you ain't felt grief 'til
You felt it sober

I wish I was somebody anybody but myself
Ooh, I wish I was somebody
Anybody but myself

I remember lookin' in the mirror
Knowin' I was gifted
Only child, me for seven years
Everything for Christmas
Family ties, they accused my cousin
"Did he touch you, kendrick?"
Never lied, but no one believed me when
I said "He didn't"
Frozen moments, still holdin' on it
Hard to trust myself i started rhymin'
Copin' mechanisms to lift up myself
Talked to my lawyer
Told me not to be so hard on myself
He has an aura, I hope to achieve
If I find some help
Congratulations, made it to be famous
Still I feel uneasy
Water watchin', live my life in nature
Only thing relieves me
Spirit guide whisper in my ear
Tell me that she sees me
"Did he touch you?" I said "No" again
Still they didn't believe me
Mother’s brother said he got revenge
For my mother’s face black and blue
The image of my queen that I can't erase
'Til this day can't look her in the eyes
Pain is takin' over blame myself
You never felt guilt 'til you felt it sober

I wish I was somebody anybody but myself
Ooh, I wish I was somebody
Anybody but myself

I was never high, I was never drunk
Never out my mind
I need control, they handed me some smoke
But still I declined
I did it sober sittin' with myself
I went through all emotions
No dependents, except for one
Let me bring you closer
Intoxicated, there's a lustful nature that
I failed to mention
Insecurities that I project
Sleepin' with other women
Whitney's hurt, the purest soul I know
I found her in the kitchen askin' God
"Where did I lose myself? And
Can it be forgiven?"
Broke me down, she looked me in my eyes
"Is there an addiction?"
I said "No, " but this time I lied
I knew that I can't fix it
Pure soul, even in her pain
Know she cared for me gave me a number
Said she recommended some therapy
I asked my momma why she didn't believe
Me when I told her "No"
I never knew she was violated in Chicago
I'm sympathetic
Told me that she feared it happened to me
For my protection
Though it never happened, she wouldn't agree
Now I'm affected
Twenty years later trauma has resurfaced
Amplified as I write this song
I shiver 'cause I'm nervous
I was five, questioning myself
'lone for many years nothing's wrong
Just results on how them
Questions made me feel
I made it home, seven years of tour
Chasin' manhood but Whitney's gone, by time
You hear this song, she did all she could
All those women gave me superpowers
What I thought I lacked
I pray our children don't inherit
Me and feelings I attract
A conversation not bein' addressed
In Black families the devastation
Hauntin' generations and humanity
They raped our mothers
Then they raped our sisters
Then they made us watch
Then made us rape each other
Psychotic torture between our lives
We ain't recovered
Still livin' as victims in the
Public eyes who pledge allegiance
Every other brother has been compromised
I know the secrets
Every other rapper sexually abused
I see 'em daily buryin' they
Pain in chains and tattoos
So listen close before you start to
Pass judgement on how he move
Learn how he cope, whenever his uncle had to
Walk him from school
His anger grows deep in misogyny
This is post traumatic Black
Families and a sodomy, today is still active
So I set free myself from all the
Guilt that I thought I made
So I set free my mother all
The hurt that she titled shame
So I set free my cousin
Chaotic for my mother's pain
I hope Hykeem made you proud 'cause
You ain't die in vain
So I set free the power of Whitney
May she heal us all
So I set free our children
May good karma keep them with God
So I set free the hearts filled with hatred
Keep our bodies sacred
As I set free all you abusers
This is transformation

I wish I was somebody anybody but myself
Ooh, I wish I was somebody
Anybody but myself

You did it, I'm proud of you
You broke a generational curse
Say "Thank you, dad"
Thank you, daddy, thank you
Mommy, thank you, brother mr morale

Before I go in fast asleep, love me for me
I bare my soul and now we're free