Laurie Anderson - New Jersey Turnpike lyrics

It is against the rules and regulations
Of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority
To drive in the wrong direction
On the New Jersey Turnpike
It is against the rules and regulations of
The New Jersey Turnpike Authority to
Drive in the right direction in reverse
On the New Jersey Turnpike
It is against the rules and regulations
Of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority
To drive herds of hooven animals
On the New Jersey Turnpike
It is against the rules and regulations
Of the New Jersey Turnpike Authority
To drive vehicles with metal tires
On the New Jersey Turnpike
It is against the rules
And regulations of the
New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive in
The wrong direction on the entrance and exit
Ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike
It is against the rules
And regulations of the
New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive in the
Right direction in reverse on
The entrance and
Exit ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike
It is against the rules
And regulations of the
New Jersey Turnpike Authority to drive herds
Of hooven animals on the entrance and exit
Ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike
It is against the rules
And regulations of the
New Jersey Turnpike Authority
To drive vehicles
With metal tires on the entrance and exit
Ramps of the New Jersey Turnpike

There was an old couple who decided
To drive cross country in their car
Both of them were almost legally deaf
About ten miles away from home
The burglar alarm for their car
Door went off and
Got stuck in the "on" position they drove
All the way to San Francisco like this you
Could hear them coming from three miles away
The alarm didn't seem to bother
The old woman at
All she thought it was sort of pleasant near
Chicago, she said to her husband
"It sounds like faraway
Bees on a summer day" Her husband said
"What?" you can read the signs you've
Been on this road before do
You want to go home? Do you
Want to go home now?

One of the major airlines used
To run a kind of lottery
Mostly to give passengers something to
Do while the plane
Was waiting in line on the runway the
Stewardess would hand out lottery
Tickets and you peeled
The sticker away if you had the
Right combination of numbers, you won a free
Trip to Hawaii if you didn't
You didn't win a free trip the
Airline discontinued the game when there
Were too many complaints about the timing
Of the lottery they said:
Our surveys tell us that our customers
Felt that waiting on the
Runway was the wrong time to
Play a game of chance

In my dream, I am your customer
And the customer is always right

He said, you know
To be really safe you should
Always carry a bomb on
An airplane because the chances
Of there being one
Bomb on a plane are pretty small
But the chances of two bombs
Are almost minuscule so by carrying
A bomb on a plane
The odds of your becoming a hostage or
Of getting blown up
Are astronomically reduced

You're driving and you're
Talking to yourself
And you say to yourself: Why these
Mountains? Why this sky? Why this road?
This big town this ugly train

In our eyes and in our
Wives' eyes in our arms and
(I might add) in our wives' arms

How come people from the North
Are so well organized, industrious
Pragmatic and let's face it -preppy?
And people from the
South are so devil may-care?
Every man for himself

I know this English guy
Who was driving around
In the South and he stopped for breakfast
One morning somewhere in southeast
Georgia he saw "grit's"
On the menu he'd never heard of grit's
So he asked the waitress, "What are grit's
Anyway?"
She said, "Grit's are fifty" He said, "Yes
But what are they?" She said
"They're extra" He
Said, "Yes, I'll have the grit's, please, "

Over the river and through the
Woods let me see that map

A sideshow a smokescreen a passing landscape

I was living out in West
Hollywood when the Hollywood Strangler
Was strangling women he was strangling
Women all over town
But he was particularly strangling them
In West Hollywood every night
There was a panel discussion on
TV about the strangler
-speculations about his habit's, his motives
His methods one thing was clear
About him: He only strangled women
When they were alone
Or with other women the panel
Members would always end the
Show by saying, "Now, for
All you women, listen
Don't go outside without a
Man don't walk out to your car
Don't even take out the garbage by
Yourself always go with a
Man" Then one of the
Eyewitnesses identified a policeman
As one of the suspects the next night
The chief of police was on the panel he
Said, "Now, girls, whatever happens
Do not stop for a police officer stay in your
Car if a police officer tries to stop
You, do not stop keep driving
And under no circumstances should
You get out of your car" For a few weeks
Half the traffic in LA was
Doing twice the speed limit

I remember when we were
Going into outer space
I remember when the President
Said we were going
To look for things in outer space and I
Remember the way the astronauts
Talked and the
Way everybody was watching because there
Was a chance that
They would burn up on the launching pad
Or that the rocket would take off from Cape
Canaveral and land in Fort Lauderdale five
Minutes later by mistake and now
We're not even trying
To get that far now it's more like
The bus now it's more like they go up
Just high enough to get a good view
They aim the camera back down
They don't aim the
Camera up and then they take pictures and
Come right back and develop
Them that's what it's
Like now now that's what it's like

Every time I hear a fire engine
It seems like the trucks are
Running away from the fire not towards
It not right into it
They seem like monsters in a panic
-running away from the fire stampeding
Away from the fire not towards
It not right into it

In Seattle
The bus drivers were out on strike one
Of the issues was their refusal
To provide a shuttle service for citizens
To designated host areas in
The event of a nuclear attack on
Seattle the drivers said, "Look
Seattle will be
A ghost town" They said, "It's a
One-way trip to the host town
We're not driving back to that ghost town"

A city that repeats it'self endlessly hoping
That something will stick in it's mind