Laurie Anderson - The Cultural Ambassador lyrics

Anyway, I was in Israel as
A kind of cultural ambassador
And there were lots of press conferences
Scheduled around the performances and
The journalists usually started things off
By asking about the avant-garde

"So, what's so good about new?" they'd ask
"Well, " I'd say, "new is… interesting"

"And what, " they would say
"is so good about interesting?"
"Well, interesting is, you know… It's
Interesting it's like… being awake
" and I'm treading water now

"And what is so good about
Being awake?" they'd say
Finally I got the hang of
This: never answer a
Question in Israel always answer


By asking another question
But the Israelis were very
Curious about the Gulf
War and what Americans had thought about it
And I tried to think of a good
Question to ask and answer to this

But what was really on my mind
Was that the week before, i had
Myself been testing explosives in a parking
Lot in Tel Aviv now
This happened because I had
Brought some small stage
Bombs to Israel as props
For this performance
And the Israeli promoter was
Very interested in them
And it turned out that he was on weekend
Duty on one of the bomb squads
And bombs were also something of
A hobby during the week

So I said, "Look, you know, these
Bombs are nothing special, just
Just a little smoke" and he said, "Well
We can get much better things for you"
And I said, "No really, these are fine…"
And he said, "No, but it should be big!
Theatrical! It should make an
Impression i mean
You really need just the right bomb"

And so one morning he arranged to have about
Fifty small bombs delivered to a parking
Lot, and since he looked on it as
A sort of special surprise favor
I couldn't really refuse
So we're on this parking
Lot testing the bombs
And after the first few explosions I found
I was really getting pretty interested
They all had very different characteristics:
Some had fiery orange tails and made
These low paah, paah, paah, popping sound
Others exploded mid-air and left long smoky
Slinky trails

And he had several of each kind in case I
Needed to review them all at the end
And I'm thinking: Here I am, a citizen of
The world's largest arms supplier
Setting off bombs with the world's
Second largest arms customer
And I'm having a great time!
So even though the diplomatic part of
The trip wasn't going so well
At least I was getting
Some instruction in terrorism
And it reminded me of something in
A book by Don DeLillo
About how terrorists are the only true
Artists left because they're the
Only ones who are still capable
Of really surprising people

And the other thing it reminded
Me of were all the
Attempts during the Gulf War
To outwit the terrorists
And I especially remember an
Interesting list of tips
Devised by the US embassy in Madrid
And these tips were designed for Americans
Who found themselves in war-time airports
The idea was not to call ourselves
To the attention of the
Numerous foreign terrorists who
Were presumably
Lurking all over the terminal
So the embassy tips were a
List of mostly don'ts

Things like: Don't wear a baseball cap
Don't wear a sweat shirt with the name
Of an American university on it
Don't wear Timberlands with no socks
Don't chew gum
Don't yell "Ethel, our plane is leaving!"

I mean it's weird when
Your entire culture can be summed up in
Eight giveaway characteristics

And during the Gulf War I
Was traveling around Europe
With a lot of equipment and all the
Airports were full of security
Guards who would suddenly
Point to a suitcase and start yelling:
"Whose bag is this? I wanna know
Right now who owns this bag"

And huge groups of passengers
Would start fanning
Out for the bag just running
Around in circles like a SCUD missile
Was on it's way in
And I was carrying a lot of electronics
So I had to keep
Unpacking everything and plugging
It in and demonstrating how it all worked
And I guessed I did seem a little
Fishy A lot of this stuff
Wakes up displaying LED program readouts that
Have names like Atom Smasher
And so it took a while to convince them that
They weren't some kind of
Portable espionage system

So I've done quite a few of
These sort of impromptu new
Music concerts for small groups of
Detectives and customs agents
And I'd have to keep setting
All this stuff up, and
They'd listen for a while and
They'd say, "So uh
What's this?" And I'd pull out something like

This filter, and say
"Now this is what I'd like to think of as the
Voice of Authority" And it would
Take me a while to tell them how I used
It for songs that were, you
Know, about various forms of control
And they would say, "Now
Why would you want to talk like that?"

And I looked around at the SWAT
Teams, and the undercover agents
And the dogs
And the radio in the corner tuned to
The Superbowl coverage of the war
And I'd say "Take a wild guess"

Finally of course, I got through
It was, after all
American made equipment and the
Customs agents were all talking about the
Effectiveness- no the beauty, the elegance
Of the American strategy of
Pinpoint bombing the
High tech surgical approach which was
Being reported on CNN as something between
Grand opera and the Superbowl
Like the first reports before the blackout
When
TV was live and everything was heightened
And it was so euphoric