Macklemore - Penis Song lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing
The "Penis Song"
(Oh, no, he didn't, Honkey dick)

This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more
Thick and way more long
One of those porno king kong dongs

Haha, check it out, yo, uh
I wish my dick was bigger, yep
I can admit it
I'm above average on inches but
I wanted damn double digit's
If I had a big ol' cock what would I do?
I'd probably go to Florida and show
It to Trina and screw
Get butt naked and start
Streaking at my school
And get arrested but at least
The girls would be impressed
With my third leg and
And then I'd go to a keg and do a keg stand
Get drunk and do the running man
With no clothes on just to show off
"My dick's bigger than yours when
Mine is cold and soft" haha, oh yeah
I forgot that's not really the
Cock that I have
I went out and party bagged 'em
And quickly opened the package
And it fit me like Kriss
Kross's old school starter jackets
Tryna convince myself like
"Size doesn't matter
Anyways I'd probably just put
It on backwards, " I mean
I know that God made us
All different and special
But shit did he really have
To invent lopsided testicles?

I don't have them, I just i feel bad for
Like, you know the guys with like, you know
Their left one hangs like lower
Than the right one, kinda like a
Kinda like a lazy eye
Like on your, on your balls
I don I don't know
I just just heard that i feel bad

This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more
Thick and way more long
Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along
(Don't front, don't front)

Yo yo yo, ayo ladies? yeah? Ladies? yeah? Do
You want a guy with
An average dick? Hell no then wait
You don't? No, honkey dick okay, that's cool
(Whatever) No, that's fine

I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you never see me
Skinny dippin' in August
Always walkin' around with my
Hands in my pockets
Tryna pump blood into my guy Alfonso i mean
Goddamn I don't think you girls understand
I've had a complex since that
Song Short Short Man
And even though girls have told
Me that I'm big
When I watch a porno I feel like a little kid
I mean, let's take Ron Jeremy
Now if a girl sees him
She'll compare him to me
And every MC in Hip-Hop has got a huge cock
Or at least talks about it in
Every song that they drop i mean, shit
If I was really hung I'd make a
Whole album called Me and My Dick
With interludes of all the girls
That I'd been with and talk about my package
And multiple orgasms
'Cause all that I see is
That size does matter
We got Enzite, penis pumps, surgery to Viagra
But when it all adds up
You can't really change it
I'm not a porno star, I just gotta face it

You know, I mean, what can I do? Nothing
Right?
This song goes out to, like, all the, like
Little bit above average dudes, to
Like, the small dudes
Medium dudes but all you big guys, man, stop

This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more
Thick and way more long
Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along
(Don't front, don't front)