Madd Maxxx - Alive after Suicide lyrics

All that i ever wanted was a couple friends
Someone to talk to me
When the sunshine ends
Used to pretend i was surrounded by love
Whether around me or above
So it wouldn't hurt so much when i get
Shoved and kicked down to the gravel
And treated off like shit
For no reason at all
What did i do to deserve this
Kept to myself never lettin' anyone in
So noone had the chance to leave
Me again, I hate people i
See, because they hate me, they don't need a
Reason neither do I
If i died not one of you fuckers would cry so
Why should i care about you
Or anything you say you're just another
Obstruction fucking up my day
I lay motionless in my bed
Emotions coursing through my head
Telling me this shit would be
Better if i was dead
So here i stand with this knfie
My life is in my hands and im throwing
It away
Anit like anyone is gonna miss me anyway
Some people tell me they care
But it don't matter
Cause when shit splatters
And hit's the fan, nobody is there
I'm ready the knife is stuck to my wrist
The flows heavy
But im still here why can't
I fucken die already

I've been dead for quite awhile
But im still walking and breatheing
Wondering when i'll be leaving
There's nothing i still believe in
I can't die even if i try
So now i wander with a tear
In my eye still alive after the suicide

I tried so many times in my mind
But suicide never works
So i'm fully alive i flat-lined agian
I couldn't die if i tried
(So here i stand still breatheing
Alive after the suicide)

My hearts frozen and i'm cold to the bone
It's been so long since ive been
Close to my home, i hate living
Alone, but no one likes you, when your
Wrist are slit open and your pulse
Is void emotion destroyed what i
Was hoping for i wanted death but
Only made it half way, my body
Stopped working but still apon the earth
I stay, i say nothing, and
Feel even less it's all grey
Under my chest, no heart, no soul nothng is
Left why would i made to survive suicide?
Not that im really alive
The only things that still work are
My ears and my eyes i hear and see clear but
Can't respond, when hated on, i wish i knew
What it was that i did wrong
All this hatred make vacent, even
When my life was taken couldn't shake it
I'm facing a fate far worse
Then hell, when you see me
It's easy to tell
I'm just a corpse caught
Under some terrible spell
I'm like a zombie
But i enjoy the taste of flesh probably
I stand with a smile
Both lips on the shotty so
Take all the slugs you
Got, put them directly through my head
You don't fear death when
You're already dead
What i said is not fiction
It's as true as it can
Possibly be i'll put a
Matress in the cemetry so i can
Sleep with my people since there's
No point to bury me now i stay
At the ground and simply wonder how?

I tried so many times in my mind
But suicide never works
So i'm fully alive i flat-lined agian
I couldn't die if i tried
(So here i stand still breatheing
Alive after the suicide)

Yo i've been dead for 5 years and runnin'
Still walking through the
Streets wishing my time was coming
It's funny how it happend
But the rest isnt a joke
No longer so i continue to smoke and choke
I stopped caring about myself
Way before i killed myself i never got it
So i stopped bothering people for help
My only way out was this
And it didn't solve shit
Now all i can show
For it is a pair of bloody wrist i
Hate my situation and it sucks that i
Can't change it
I still have the knife even
Though the blade is faded
I still use it for self inflectional wounds
And cuts i could give a fuck
And neither could you
So shut the hell up you killed my happiness
With every chance you had made me so mad
I had to stab myself
Screaming for help but you covered
Your ears when you weren't
Enjoying the sound, even after i the ground
You muzzled me further down
All that i wanted was someone
To call a friend
Someone i can stand next to at the end
That'll hold my hand woman or man
Whoever would show compassion
Instead of laughing
And lashing out, bashing me
Til' im blackin` out
I backed out but i don't
Feel bad, i don't feel happy
I don't feel sad, i feel nothing at all
I slam my head against a wall
Til' my skull cracks and caves
Not even god thinks i'm worth being saved
So now the days keep passing
And everyone keeps laughing
And all i did was sit
And wonder what happend
It's drastic the way i did it
But it had to be done so now
I sit here in darkness staring at the sun

(stand still breatheing alive
After the suicide)