Mary Lambert - Another Rape Poem (Sixteen) lyrics

I walked in saw your face
White teeth clamped black T-Shirt
Should have run i was a prize

Sixteen, Sixteen, Sixteen

I was sixteen and had a boyfriend that
Was an idiot which was okay
Because I was also kind of an idiot
My friend and I snuck into an
Army barracks late at night
She was dating an older guy
Who lived on the base
Suddenly I was a prize in a
Building of a thousand men -
Drenched in America and sweat
I'm not saying that the military raped me
I’m saying I was sixteen and
I was on my period (Black T-Shirt)
There were three wolves in the
Bedroom who circled me (Should have run)
Without ever flashing their canines
Isn't rape funny like that?
I have to speak in metaphor in
Order to get it out

In the morning
I told myself that I drank too much
And that I cheated, and that I was so sorry
And boys will be boys
Weaved a different story in my head
Painted it like glitter in a swamp
Forced a laugh when I said "rough sex"
(Saw your face)

I wonder how many girls have
Giggled while they were raped
I bet a lot of them (Black T-Shirt)
(Should have run)
Sometimes when I'm washing the dishes
The hairs on my arms stand up
And somehow thought memory turns
Into physical memory
And I feel my body tense
Up at the kitchen sink (Saw your face)
I don’t know the science of
That kind of thing
But, I feel my eyes close scared
And the movie plays and I softly say "no"
And I don't laugh uncomfortably this time
(Black T-Shirt)
And afterwards the fury comes like
A wave of ashes and I pretend I am the
Biggest most powerful phoenix
And as my hands wrap around the
Coffee mug in the water
I pretend they teleport through time
And space to that night
And circle around his neck and I say "no"
A whole fuck-ton louder than I did

I guess what I'm saying is (Saw your face)
I don't apologize like that anymore
(White teeth clamped)
(Black T-Shirt, should have run)
(Cries of anguish)

When I walked in saw your face
White teeth clamped black T-Shirt
Should have run i'm not a prize