Mary Lambert - June 2013 lyrics

My dad was a blue shell of a
Bad man mom talks about his brain
Surgery, says it like this: it changed him
Says it slow, says it deliberate
Nodding to agree with herself she is
Slow like this because we
Both know what happens after: clusters
Of dirt in my
Hair, rotting meals, the bright
Lights, empty, empty, empty, and the pit
Fills my name with a bunch
Of songs I don’t know, don’t care
To know, someday will wake up and sing
Them out loud my mom
Acts like I remember conversations I
Don’t remember do you understand
Mom i’m crying in the green room they’re
Chanting my name in the arena

We both know what happens
After: bright lights
My pitless song, awaking chorus, nod
Swallow the room like salt ten thousand
People singing my stupid name
My body isn’t mine, it
Is my father’s, it is Father’s Day, my fault
Over and over mom says it
Slow and deliberate: your body is an
Arena ten thousand people in
The pit tonight, they are all
Fathers, ready to empty me
You don’t understand i haven’t seen him
In twenty years ten thousand
Bodies clustered in the arena everyone
Wants a small meal, a conversation