Modern Baseball - Note to Self lyrics

Holt's above my hideout
I dug this hole beneath the floorboards
Buzzing bad and locked in try to not recall
Counting numbered days
From the wheel we cried to clutch
Looking for some inspired land
But all I found were empty
Cans and cigarette butts
Lining dirty parking lots in Ottawa
(Glazed eyes
Trying to rub away at the sketches of the)
Daytime when every second of sun's the same
What's the point of staying awake?

Your hands are out, and I see
You're asking me for a vowel
But I am weak, and I am stubborn
So I'll say "This is all I have right now"
But I want to make something good
I want to make something better
Something that cannot leave the ground
Unless we lift it up together

Where I want to be still
Seems a thousand miles away
But pretending we feel safe right
Here gets harder every day
It's a note to self, mislaid
You ain't the words you always used to say
There will be no more fucking around today

Drunk and worthless, spewing bullshit
All across the stage
Wake up, and we find new hiding places
Trying desperately to escape the glare
From our stupid, spineless words
Just whining (I don't believe you)
Every fucking day (You're all the same)
What do I really want to say?

Where I want to be still
Seems a thousand miles away
But pretending we feel safe right
Here gets harder every day
It's a note to self, mislaid
You ain't the words you always used to say
There will be no more fucking around today