Momus - Bertie the Heterosexual lyrics

He knows no fear
The icicles dangling from his nose
So straight he's queer in
A polar explorer pose borecore to the hilt
He knows no fear, black with white guilt

Into a lady's right to disagree
Must fall a little rain
He's on the side of whatever is

Popping balloons at Mr Malarkey's parade
Bertie the heterosexual can't keep his
Hands off the maid

And it's a rum go, don't you know
All so healthily hetero
The asymmetrical Englishman
Better the devil you know

Borecore to the hilt
He knows no fear, black with white guilt

He's not too proud to make a fuss about
The rights he took from us
Queer with straight guilt

Drinking champagne mixed with old rain
From the old baronial seat
Waving his pretty sword, your overlord

And it's a rum go, don't you know
All so healthily hetero
The asymmetrical Englishman
Better the devil you know