Momus - Catman Finley lyrics

Well I stand here before you
In the circus court
With a most sincere appeal for
Your kindness and support
The consciousness of peril ever
Playing on my mind
Hoping against hope you will
Be lenient and kind
My name is Catman Findlay and
I have eleven toes
I like to wear, admittedly
Some slightly silly clothes:
These baggy pants, this purple hair
This stupid waxy nose
The grinning crocodiles of
My disintegrating shoes

Well I would be law-abiding but
My enemies are mean
Growing ever bolder in their comedy routines
If I do whip my assistant
Until her buttocks bleed
It's not because I want to
But they force me to compete

Well as you know the circuses
Have fallen on hard times
People want to stay at home
And swipe their telephones
And there's no-one coming out to see
A girl on a trapeze
Swinging from the sky supported
Only by her knees

But, if I should do a knife act
And it should go awry
And the knife should slip into a breast
And if the girl should die
People laugh like drains
They think it's all part of the act
And laughs are hard to get, my lords
And that's a circus fact

And I would be law-abiding
But the competition's mean
You've got to put some wick-wack
In your comedy routines
We've reached the point where circus
Acts are turning into crimes
But life is hard, your lordships
And we keep up with the times