Momus - How To Get - And Stay - Famous lyrics

Lord, tell me how long it's going
To take me to get famous?
Will it take a week in
Vaudeville, a season in pantomime
Two years on the west end stage
A decade or maybe more?
Because, I can't afford to wait
Till I'm dribbling, bald, toothless
Spineless and brainless
I don't believe in your
Afterlife and your posterity
But, if they exist
I must be at least half the way there
And Lord, what if it takes a decade?
I am no longer young
Show me the road to fame, Lord
Show me that road
Or just the road to the next whiskey bar

And Lord what will it take to get
Me to be and to stay famous?


Am I going to have to sell my soul to
The stylists and the tailors of this world
If I'm not to go down in
History as one of the failures
Lord, teach me the boy band dance routines
Above all teach me to be tame, bland
Blind and blameless
Cos that's the hardest thing of all
To be aggressive and yet remain harmless
To edit out my impure thoughts when
You know so well, Lord, that I'm shameless
Principled, amoral, provocative
Confrontational and shameless

And Lord
How long did it take you to get famous?
After you'd created this fantastic planet and
All the animals upon it
That creep about upon it's surface
It must've taken a million
Years or more before
Anyone even thought to give a
Name to the nameless and then
In the blinking of an eye the backlash came
The cynics crowded round saying
You didn't even exist
Oh, fashion is fickle, Lord
You know that more than I do
The backlash always comes
No matter what you've done
Created a world or that difficult third album

Don't ask me, I have no idea
All I know how to do is how to hide
How to hide and disappear

Lord tell me, where will it take me
What strange place will it take me
Being famous?
Am I destined to be rich beyond
The wildest dreams of men
Will I rest at last between the breasts
And legs of delicate oriental girls
And make babies?
Will I be transported back to
The house where I
Was born in a limousine twenty foot long
While a crowd stands by foaming at
The mouth like dogs with rabies
Will I be borne on the shoulders of the crowd
Will I be taken from the back
Of the stadium to the
Front of the stadium to the
Back of the stadium
Tossed around and shocked by
What was allowed?

And Lord
Who do you have to sleep with in this town
Who do you have to go down on to get famous?
Lord tell me what soundtracks do I have to
Do, what drugs do I have to do
How old is too old
How many free copies should I give
Away with every album sold?
I'm not trying to say I'm fit
To dine at your table
All I'm saying is we all use
The same tricks if we're able

Lord, I have friends, I've watched
Them, one by one, become famous
While they complimented me on my songs
I smiled in my corner alone
Watched their inner birds
Spread their wings and fly
Though I had an inner bird
Too, Lord, You know
Mine remained a swan in cellophane
Trapped under a glass ceiling
A bird in a transparent cage
Lord, why do this to me?
Why let me die having
Given me a bird and never let it fly?
Lord, why? Why? And Lord, tell me
How long did it take you to get famous?
You who sent your dearly beloved son down to
Walk the planet earth and be amongst us
You who chose to give
Him sensational powers so
He could do tricks much better than ours
And work miracles to impress us?
Lord, you did it for the publicity, I know
I understand but then the backlash came
We turned on your son and he was slain

No matter what you've done
The backlash always comes
Created a world, given your son
Or your difficult third album

And the Lord said:

Don't ask me, I have no idea
All I know how to do is
How to hide and disappear

So I said:

Lord, if that is all you can say to me
Share with me the secret
Of your immaculate obscurity