Momus - Precocious Young Miss Calloway lyrics

While the icicle vendetta might
Require the blue sombrero
I'd prefer to say the twilight made
Me don the blue beret i say
Would you mind most awfully
If awkward Aubrey Mabersley
Accompanies Melinda to the
Thunderclown parade?

Precocious young Miss Calloway impressed
Some person's pants away
With clever conversation studied
From a magazine
And a blackguard known to all and
Sundry as a humble understudy
Challenged a great actor for his
Hatred of the queen

Perhaps I lack a sense of
Humour but your interesting rumour
Sketches me a stature quite
Impossible to match
Where your baroque imagination
Sees adulterous Casanova
In reality I'm just an unadulterated wretch

And Michael is, I'm sad to say
A quite unworthy adversary
Morris is too homosexual acting anyway
While Merlin, no relation
Has been wasting his frustration
On the nephew of the cousin
Of the Earl of Albany

I'm attracted to Antonia but wish
To keep her friendship
So I'll never breathe a word of
Her obsession with my waist
And there are several salient reasons why
Precocious young Miss Calloway has
Had the gall to
State that I am not entirely chaste

Perhaps I lack a sense of
Humour but your interesting rumour
Sketches me a stature quite
Impossible to match
Where your baroque imagination
Sees adulterous Casanova
In reality I'm just an unadulterated wretch

So pass the pancakes, pretty please
Or else I'll strip myself and tease
My orgiastic organ to an ecstasy of joy
And the doctor tells me intercourse
Remains out of the question
And between ourselves I'm just a
Teensy little bit annoyed

So while the icicle vendetta might
Require the blue sombrero
I'd prefer to say the twilight's made
Me don the blue beret
And I'd be acting out of character
If I required the pharmacist
To staunch my bleeding wound
With the Italian tourniquet

Perhaps I lack a sense of
Humour but your interesting rumour
Sketches me a stature quite
Impossible to match
Where your baroque imagination
Sees adulterous Casanova
In reality I'm just an unadulterated wretch