Momus - Professor Shaftenberg lyrics

He's a polyglot, a psychopath, an androgyne
He likes to handcuff Japanese
Girls hanging upside down
He is rampant like the stallion
He wears the gold medallion
Of the Royal Order Of
Reprobates Of Lichtenstein

He's a bondage fan, a gastronome
A sensualist
Unparalleled for sinister lasciviousness
In a love hotel at half past four
He'll purchase schoolgirl underwear
Meet Nobuyoshi Araki for dinner there

Professor Shaftenberg professor Shaftenberg
He is sponsored by Lufthansa
To screw the pants off Japanese girls

The professor isn't home right now
So this is the real me
I want to grind bones with a naked baby cow
I want to squash the squid and jump the junk
I want to peel the pampelmousse
Pink to the pulp
Part the fronds and enter this
My magical place let us sing the song
Of innocence and experience

He's a zoophile, a hydrophobe, a lotus flower
He carries patent leather snake oil
For his penis power
When it's time to fuck their socks off
He boards his flight at Tempelhof
Countdown to Tokyo and zero hour

Professor Shaftenberg professor Shaftenberg
He is sponsored by Lufthansa
To screw the pants off Japanese girls

You are culpable but highly fuckable
I'll bring you home by
Midnight, death by chocolate
The horn by stealth of moonlight
I'll stab you to the hilt
Satin you and jasmine you and, finally
Critically drink the ectoplasmic jet
Grip and grab three hot bags
Of girly goddess head

Professor Shaftenberg professor Shaftenberg
He is sponsored by Lufthansa
To screw the pants off Japanese girls

The Professor isn't in right now
But I'm his bastard cousin
The funky little pervert Reverend Hyde
One superbad dude, come to my pad
Let's collude and let's collide
Clasping and gasping, climax in
Unison, spermatozoon, clapping, coming
Consummate, original
Stunning from start to finish
In performance and execution
Invoke the deities
Shock the pants off several
Choke on sacred bread and
Pollute the holy wafer
Inject a cloud of jism in the
Middle of the holy water
In clouds of unknowing I want to know
In places I have never been I want to go
I want to get my rocks off
Till my cock pops off professor Shaftenberg
Professor Shaftenberg
He is sponsored by Lufthansa
To bore the pants off Japanese girls