Momus - The Homosexual lyrics

I love women but I'm thinking of giving in
I love women but what's the point of arguing
With the men from boarding
Schools and building sites
Who've told me I'm a homosexual all my life

One stop past Embankment and the coughs begin
Hell hath no fury like an insecure Englishman
You don't need psychoanalysts
To translate this
'There is an open homosexual in our midst'

The homosexual they call me it's
All the same to me
That spectre they projected I will
Now pretend to be
Since their neurosis is what
Passes for normality
It's okay with me if I'm queer
Since their tone-deafness is called
The love of music i won't disabuse them
I'll make love with their women
I'll make them sing notes of pleasure
Their husbands will never hear

I love women but I take them by surprise
Pretending absolute indifference to their
Breasts and thighs
Like their hairdressers and dressmakers
I hear confessionals
Reserved for homosexual professionals

As I put their feet in
Stirrups with my limp wrist
(A trick I learned from
A homosexual gynaecologist)
I recall the words my first girlfriend
Ended our first date with
'I feel privileged you chose me
To go straight with'

'The Homosexual' they call me
It's all the same to me
That spectre they projected I will
Now pretend to be
Since their neurosis is what
Passes for normality
It's okay with me if I'm queer
Since their tone-deafness is called
The love of music i won't disabuse them
I'll make love with their women
I'll make them sing notes of pleasure
Their husbands will never hear

You who called me shirt-lifter
In Chemistry class
You who sniggered 'Look out for your arse'
Now your women wash your shirts
Now your kids are born
Baby Look out for your horns

You who called me teapot
Who plagued me with your bile
Guess who I've got coming to the boil
Why not grab the nettle I'll settle for
Being the kettle if you're the pot
I take my tea like my revenge: sweet and hot

'The Homosexual' they call me
It's all the same to me
That spectre you projected I will
Now pretend to be
Since your neurosis is what
Passes for normality
It's okay with me if I'm queer
Since your tone-deafness is called
The love of music i won't disabuse you
I'll make love with your woman
I'll make her sing notes of pleasure
That you will never hear
Never in a million years no fucking fear