Momus - The Laird of Inversnecky lyrics

'I'd rather sleep with her with no clothes
On than you in your best suit'
I said to my dummy at
The Winter Gardens, Rothesay, isle of Bute
While the manager, praying for rain
Watched the £50 grey clouds rolling in
Knowing if it rained we'd get the crowds
Knowing if it rained we'd get the crowds

Born in Greenock
'the Tall Drole' was known to all
Worked in the mines and the mills
But ended up in music hall
Maidie played the accordion
She was 'the Small Doll'
We could bring the hoose doon
Nae bother at a'!

It all seems like yesterday
Though you weren't alive
The Panopticon, the Trongate, Glasgow 1935
In the name of the wee man
Here comes Funny Clive
God, it made you glad to be alive

It's the Laird of Inversnecky here
Aye you ken me weil
With ma cast of characters frae
Places that are nearly real
Cold today! Aye! That's why
We're by the seaside everybody come
To the Aberdeen Beach Pavilion
Every single night is fun!

I began as the panto tea boy
Became the canny Scot
Like a chimney sweep on a ladder to very top
Synonymous for many with my famous character
The Reverend IM Jolly the morose minister

The character comedians you may see today
Where'd they get their talent
For remarkable mimicry?
It's plain to see, it came from me
I saw them scribbling away
They all laughed like crazy
At my "hoity-toity ladies"

'The flag at the castle is half mast high
Let's all go down to Mackie's for
A wee cup of tea'

It's the Laird of Inversnecky here
Back to make you greet
The Portobello pierrots they cannae compete
At the Aberdeen Beach Pavilion
Sixteen bloody years we've run
And every single night of it's been fun!
Every single bloody night's been fun!