Momus - The Poet lyrics

I was wallowing in squalor when a
Note came through the mail
From a light-fingered acquaintance who'd
Been lingering in jail
He had served a year of sentence when
The fools had set him free
And he'd had a good idea he said
He'd like to put to me

I said come on then, let's have it
There's a twinkle in his eye
He says let me put it this way
Have you ever wondered why
The rich have so much money when
If push should come to crunch
You can only be in one room
And only eat one lunch

A cogent observation
But I didn't have the time
I presumed this exposition must be
Leading to a crime
He said wait a precious moment I
Am trying to set the scene
If you liberate your mind my friend
You'll soon see what I mean

He said have you ever wondered how
A horse becomes a glue?
Or how my uncle's pencil reached
A garden in Peru?
And have you tried valerian
The side-effects are strange
There is no such thing as accident
For everything's arranged

I said listen friend your time inside
Has clearly flipped your mind
These are merely hypotheticals I
Haven't got the time
If it's blackmailing on Snapchat or
A hold-up count on me
But this claptrap that you're spouting
Now just sounds like poetry

Do not be so narrow-minded
My erstwhile accomplice trilled
I've had lots of time for poetry
It's left me rather thrilled
I've been reading the New
York School: Frank O'Hara, kenneth Koch
And they've given me more pleasure
Than a thousand dirty jokes

Well he's published by Macmillan now
He got a big advance
Which he spent on buying a farmhouse
In a pleasant part of France
His first book won a Pulitzer
He's up for a Nobel
They say you can't change human nature
But he's doing rather well