Momus - Third Party, Fire And Theft lyrics

I've got a good track record
For taking the hurdles blind
Off at the crack of dawn
With Virginia on my mind
I'm the man they call upon to
Drum up a thousand pounds
Lately Ginny can't raise me ready
For the country roads inside
Her dressing gown

Any day now the adulterer will
Arrive in my suburb
Knock at the door with a pretext
To enter my Habitat house
There are black cats in the sheets
I've been anticipating trouble
Next thing you know he'll be sweeping
The ash from the sack
Next thing you know he'll be giving her
A piece of his mind on her back
Sweeping the ash from the sack
Isn't it good to know
You've got third party, fire and theft?

We used to be a well matched wrestle
Used to set the bed on fire
But, I got high cholesterol
And Virginia low tar
In the mirror I'm managing director
The bedroom's plant and staff
The only thing in line for promotion though
Is Virginia's derisory laugh

Any day now the adulterer will
Arrive in my suburb
Knock at the door with a pretext
To enter my Charles Church house
There are Number 10s in the sheets
I've been anticipating trouble
Next thing you know he'll be sweeping
The ash from my sack
Next thing you know he'll be giving her
A piece of his mind on her back
Sweeping the ash from the sack
Isn't it good to know
You've got third party, fire and theft?

Last call for the cock of the walk
He's first in line for the fist
But cuff-links don't suit fisticuffs and I
Can't afford to sprain my wrist
So limp and pale from the wear and tear
Of high powered, hard nosed lives
Me and my ilk write him fat blank cheques
On our naked, waiting wives

Any day now the adulterer will
Arrive in our suburbs
Knock at the door with a Durex
To enter my Laura Ashley wives
The Marlboro Man's intervening in the sheets
Anticipating trouble
Next thing you know he'll be sweeping
The ash from the sack
Next thing you know he'll be giving us
A piece of his mind on our backs
Sweeping the ash from the sack
Isn't it good to know
You've got third party, fire

And theft

Next thing you know he'll be sweeping
The ash from our sack
Next thing you know he'll be giving us
A piece of his mind on our backs
Sweeping the ash from the sack
Isn't it good to know?