Primus - Mephisto And Kevin lyrics

Here's South Park's favorite band, Primus!

(Les Claypool, spoken) in 1986
The University of California at Davis
Saw two of it's all-time brightest stars
Dr alphonse Mephisto and
Dr arnie Apesacrappin
Dr mephisto worked hard towards
His thesis - his goal was to genetically
Duplicate the DNA structure of asparagus
So that all asparagus would grow to
The same girth and length
Giving asparagus a much more pleasant
Presentation in the world's
Supermarket vegetable bins dr apesacrappin's
Goal was to genetically create the greatest
Musical entertainer
The world had ever seen dr apesacrappin
Knew that if he could assemble
The right elements
He could theoretically build a DNA


Structure that would ensure
His creation had talent far surpassing the
Average individual at the time
One subject of urban myth was the story
That Michael Jackson - in an
Effort to retain his youthful look and
Feminine vocal characteristics - had his
Testicles surgically removed
Thereby making him a modern day
Castrato if such a rumor were true, michael
Jackson more than likely would have had some
Of his semen preserved before the surgery
To ensure the future of his name and
Lineage word came back to Dr
Apesacrappin of a secret cold
Storage locker deep within the
Bowels of the UCLA research center
That not only contained four
Containers of frozen
Semen, but also held a pair of testicles
Each was labeled with the
Name "Jack Michaelson"

(Chef) i once heard a noise
In the night, the most sensual voice
Song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head and this is what he said:
(Chef) "I am gopher boy
Pondering reality i am gopher boy
Who will buy my raspberr
(Les Claypool, spoken)
This had to be the seed of the King of Pop!
Dr apesacrappin was able to use his charm and
Chiseled Greek features to woo a
Young lab technician by
The name of Jennifer - who, of course
Just happened to have the proper
Access needed to obtain a
Small vial of the precious semen
The search for the egg was a short one Dr
Mephisto simply ran an ad
In the classified section of
An LA music magazine
The ad read: "Wanted: unfertilized
Human eggs for
Genetic experiment donors must
Have musical background"
With a plethora of young, eager
Wanna-be musical
Starlets willing to sell their eggs
The two doctors - after rigorous
Auditioning - picked and
Purchased dr apesacrappin felt that it
Would be far less complicated
Legally if the fetus were brought to term in
The womb of a non human he had long since
Secured the services of the
University volleyball mascot
A llama by the name of "Missy"
When the baby was ready
The child was removed via cesarean it was a
Healthy baby boy he was named Kevin

(Chef) i once heard a noise
In the night, the most sensual voice
Song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head and this is what he said:

(Chef) "I am gopher boy
Pondering reality i am gopher boy
Who will buy my raspberries?"

(Les Claypool, spoken)
Kevin was a beautiful child
Dr apesacrappin saw
To it that Kevin was trained
By the best in all aspects of
Performing his voice was golden
And had a sweetness to it
That most males lacked he moved with grace
And was able to moonwalk by the time he
Was three as Kevin grew with his
Talent, Dr apesacrappin started noticing
Odd developments in his
Physical state when Kevin lost
His baby teeth
His secondaries came in with a
Vengeance they were at least twice the
Size of a normal adult's, and the two
In front stuck nearly straight out also
As Kevin reached his eighth year
He was the same height as he
Was when he was four
To top it off, he was growing hair
All over and his penis was enormous
Even by adult standards it
Also dawned on the doctor that
Even through all the
Years of hearing Kevin sing, he rarely spoke
Often choosing to communicate with
Various grunts and gurgles (Chef)
I once heard a noise
In the night, the most sensual voice
Song of love from an angelic boy
Stuck in my head and this is what he said:

(Chef) "I am gopher boy
Pondering reality i am gopher boy
Who will buy my raspberries?"

(Les Claypool, spoken)
Others were noticing the changes in Kevin
Children began to tease him -
To call him "Gopher Boy" one
Day a bully by the
Name of "Big Roy" started throwing bananas
At him soon a crowd
Of kids were all throwing bananas
Suddenly, in a fury
Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit three
Fingers off on his left hand
Kevin was taken away and placed in
The custody of the state
Dr apesacrappin's actions were found out
But because there was no
Legislation concerning the
Genetic construction of another human being
No criminal charges were brought
Forth the medical association's
Board of ethics stripped him of all
His credentials, and his reputation
Was ruined in fact
His name became so synonymous
With failure that for years to come
Med students around the world were
Known to say in times of mishaps
"Damn, I feel just like Apesacrappin"
Dr mephisto immediately began proceedings to
Adopt little Kevin being a
Noted scientist and the creator
Of the cloned asparagus
It wasn't long before the two were legally
United as father and son they
Moved to Colorado
Where they live in relative
Obscurity kevin is still a boy of few spoken
Words, sticking mainly to his
Grunts and gurgles
But on occasion, if you listen closely
You can hear his sweet golden
Signing voice ring out into
The night over the small town of South Park:

"I am gopher boy pondering reality
I am gopher boy
Who will buy my raspberries?"