PRXJEK - At Night All My Doubts Gather, And I'm Just Left Feeling Empty lyrics

My doubts gather
Watch the moonlight fade
As I find myself
Yet again
In this dark place of mine; surrounded
By this emptiness in the
Night time. Y'all won't ever see
Tears fall from my eyes
I'd rather convey all these thoughts
That's why I write. I'm constantly fighting
Myself and I know it's bad
For my health to keep all
This negative emotion bottled inside
But fuck it
'cause I know even if I told someone
The pain wouldn't subside. So many times
I just want to quit and push
All this shit to the side
But, see, they idolize me, and miraculously
I'm saving lives and I'm
Iconic. Ironic
I'm always thinking 'bout taking mine
But I'm
Holding up
So don't worry. Though
Some will still call me
A weakling. I wish the grim
Reaper would just hurry
Honestly speaking
See. I'm cold as fuck from
All the broken trust
Relationships; friends I considered real
But never was
And the pain is deep. It's
Like I got several cuts
In my heart that I
Still ain't recovered from
But
I'm too much of a bitch to pick up a gun
And be done with this shit. And I hate
How people use depression as a
Crutch or leverage to
Come up like mental illness
Is a fucking joke
And I hope they all choke
On their own blood. See
I've had this shit for years
Don't remember when it started and
I wouldn't say it's a
Blessing but I've learned some lessons
Through these hardships. But
Sometimes, I just feel like an
Empty vessel left to be disregarded
And my very presence
Is a target. It's like I can't go a
Day without being mentioned by
Other artists and I
Try not to let it get to me
But it hurts when a person you see as family
Turns on you and becomes a fucking enemy
That's why I wish I could bury my heart
So I wouldn't have to feel anything
Anymore. I just wanna stay in my
Room and lock my fucking door
Turn all the lights off
And write my family a note
Saying "I'm sorry
I couldn't go on 'cause I
Was struggling with myself and
I finally lost the war and
My doubts won." See
We live in a false world with false hope. I
Fall slow down this tall slope. I'm lost
Cold, dark holds me, I'm bounded. Won't cry
Tears, no light here
Just nightmares, surrounded
By all the lies I hear
Escape here; I doubt it
I doubt it